The older brothers and the Younger sister

Talking

-MATEO POV-

I was taking a walk, I needed to clear my head. Calla was asleep, She was knocked out. 

I did leave her a note though. I don't know where Ethan or Leo is, I sighed. I wasn't feeling the best.

I felt like, My whole word was crashing around me. It felt like, I had to constantly worry. I needed to worry about Calla, I was worried about Xavier as well. I was worried about Ethan and Leo.

Our dad never really yelled at me, But he did sometimes. He always called me weak, I grew up thinking I was weak. I still think that but, I need to be strong. I am strong for Calla.

Calla has been through worse, She didn't deserve that. 

I turned the corner, I saw Xavier. He was sitting on the swing, Fucking smoking. I remember the first time I found out he was smoking, I was angry, Upset. I didn't want him to fuck up his life, So why is he smoking now?

"Xavier?" I called out. He looked up, Shock written all over his face. "Mateo?" He asked. I walked over to him and sat on the second swing next to him, He was smoking weed. I could smell it, It was strong as fuck.

"Give me." I said, He looked at me. "Your 15." He scolded, I scoffed. "Your point? Your 19." I said. He rolled his eyes and gave me the blunt.

I had smoked before. Nobody knew, I had done it with my friends one night. Best night of my life, to be honest. 

I passed it back to him, He took another hit.

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked, "I was taking a walk." I said. "Since when do you take walks?" He asked.

"I needed to clear my head." I admitted, "Why?" He asked. I just laughed a bit, "Why are you laughing?" He asked. "No reason" I said.

He gave the blunt back to me, I took another hit. I watched as the smoke left my mouth, This was my first time doing drugs. I have no idea how I'm going to react to it, I probably shouldn't be doing it but.. 

You only live once.

"Have you done this before?" Xavier asked, I shook my head. "How are you smoking it like you have done it before then?" He asked. Damn, He's good.

"I have smoked before, haven't done drugs." I said as I took another hit. 

"You've fucking smoked?" Xavier asked. I nodded my head, Now it was anger written all over his face. "When?" He asked, I smiled. "I was 13." I said, I don't know why I'm suddenly spilling so much. 

"13?! Mateo, What the fuck?" He asked, "It was in the past. I haven't smoked since." I said, rolling my eyes. "Still." He said.

"What's going on with you?" Xavier asked me after a moment of silence. I passed the blunt back, "Nothing." I said.

There is nothing going on. I am just changing, I mean.. Sure, I don't feel like myself but, It's what everyone goes through. I'm doing better anyways, Nobody needs to worry.

"Why the fuck are you lying?" Xavier asked, I think him and Ethan have some sort of anger issues or something.

"I'm not, Xavier." I said, I was getting annoyed by his questions. Can we not just smoke in Peace? Xavier just sighed and went silence. 

I didn't trust him, I stopped trusting him when I was 9. He told on me for breaking a cup, I spent an hour trying to clean it up. When I asked him for help, He told Ethan. I got yelled at, I didn't mean to break the cup. 

Everyone was busy and I needed water, The cups were on the top shelf. I was 9, I was short as fuck. I'm now 6'1, Xavier is like 6'3 or something. I don't know to be honest, I don't pay attention.

I wonder how tall Calla is.

Is Calla okay? Where is Ethan and Leo, Are they okay?

fucking head, I need a off button for my head. 

"Where do you get weed?" I asked Xavier, "I'm not fucking tell you. I don't want you getting addicted to it." He said. 

I just laughed, He cares now? after those years of pushing me away, He's caring now? 

"Since when do you care?" I asked. "Mateo-" He said, Guilt laced in his tone. 

"You pushed me away all those fucking years, Xavier. It fucking hurt, So much. I know you were probably going through shit but, I could have fucking helped! It fucking hurt seeing you treat Calla like an actual person, when you treated me like a robot. 

I stayed up so many nights, Wondering if you would actually care If i died? I wondered how long it would take for you to get over my death. I felt like I was just background!" I blurted out, I didn't even realise I said it all.

it went silent, You could hear crickets chirping. 

Suddenly, Xavier got up. I thought he was going to leave, Until he came up behind me and hugged me tightly. 

It would have hurt so much if he left after I said all that.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, I realised he was crying. Xavier.. Is crying? He never cries, Why is he crying?

"Why are you crying?" I asked, "I feel bad. I'm sorry, Mateo. I've been a shitty brother, I promise I will make it up to you. All the years, I have pushed you away. Also to answer your questions, I would never be able to get over your death. I love you, Mateo. I could never get over your death, I would be broken without you." Xavier said while he hugged me tighter.

I hugged him back, "It's okay." I said. All I ever wanted from him was an apology, It felt good to hear him say he loved me. Xavier isn't a very open person, He's cold, And distant. 

He doesn't mean to be, But he is. 

We continued hugging, We finally released our built up emotions to each other. After years.

We knew how each other felt now. 

....

okay, i have no fucking clue what I just wrote

LITERALLY NO IDEA, MY CAT IS ON ME- 

IF YOU SEE THIS CHAPTER, CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY. I'M GOING TO READ IT TOMORROW WHEN I WAKE UP AND IF I DON'T LIKE IT, I'M GONNA RE-WRITE IT

IM TRYING TO GET A CHAPTER OUT EVERYDAY- I HAVE ANOTHER BOOK I GOTTA WRITE AS WELL BUT I HAVE NO IDEAS

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

i got no stories to tell today

love yall

anyways im gonna go straighten my hair, I had a shower and my hair looks like a fucking bush and it's curly.

Fact of the day: I am the reason the pride flag was invented. Like literally, I'm fruiter then a fruit smoothie. I'm lesbian

well, maybe bisexual, IDFK I'M INTO QUESTIONING AGAIN

its just like.. mens voices... fuck, Idk bro I might be bisexual but i'm sticking with the lesbian until I figure it out, so until then. fuck men

IM JK

well idk

ok

word count: 1092