MOON & RIVER | JEONGLIX [✓]

eighty

(idk what they do at funerals bc i've never been to one so please forgive me if anything's wrong i looked up what they do on google so)

•••

jeongin sat grimly in front of the church, his (fat) ass quite uncomfortable from the white wooden bench that could barley hold two people. he was waiting for literally anyone he knew to show up, as the only people there were seungmin's relatives. he fidgeted with the sleeve of his black suit, frowning while staring at the cement under him.

"jeongin?" a pair of black, tied-up boots abruptly stood in front of the black-haired boy. he looked up to see jisung tilting his head down at him.

the younger quickly scowled at him, "what do you want?!"

the older flinched back, clearly not expecting his response, "calm down bro, we're at a funeral for a fucks sake."

"where's your boyfriend at?" jeongin rolled his eyes, scooting over so jisung could sit next to him. he wanted the brunette to go away as fast as possible, but that would only happen if his little boyfriend was here with him.

"uh, who?" the squirrel boy sat down next to the already aggravated younger.

"who the fuck do you think i'm talking about? obama? shrek?" he narrowed his fox-like eyes. "i was asking about minho!"

jisung gulped, "i—uh—oh. well don't be so damn aggressive. why you want to know so bad? he's coming here from work, if that's what you want to know."

jeongin shook his head, "now was that really that hard—"

"hey guys." the black-haired boy immediately whipped his head to the right, seeing felix, hyunjin, and changbin walk along the sidewalk. he frowned at the sight of them, felix's greeting was the most depressed he has ever heard him spoke in real life. he was standing a little too close to hyunjin, which the younger found odd.

oh right, i lost that. only because i did what was best for both of them, jeongin stared at him, an emotionless expression on his face.

"hi!" jisung happily waved to them as changbin gave him a side-eye. jeongin's face still remained blank at the interaction, while feeling someone's eyes burning into him.

"so—uh—how is everyone?" hyunjin glanced around at the four other boys, who only shrugged.

"fine i guess," changbin sighed, looking visibly tired to jeongin. "i still can't believe this happened."

"do they even know how seungmin died?" felix blurted out as everyone either shook their heads or shrugged. "this is just so unexpected, like he was so young. he didn't deserve to die this early..."

jeongin heard felix's voice waver as he was clearly distraught over seungmin's death, feeling a bit of sympathy for the older. that until it turned bitter due to hyunjin linking arms with him in a way to comfort him. he then sharply let out a sigh, before turning to jisung, who was rambling to changbin about something that he could give less of a shit about.

•••

"hello everyone, we gather here today for the funeral of kim seungmin," the funeral officiant began. "he was a bright, seventeen-year-old with intelligence and a strange sense of humor like no other. though his cause of death is unknown, his memory will be forever cherished by his family and friends, as well as his lovely singing."

jeongin was sitting in between minho and changbin in one of the many rows of the white, long, wooden benches inside the church. chan and minho ended up joining them a few minutes before the doors were opened, which the younger was immensely thankful for because he was about to strangle jisung.

the funeral officiant pulled out a book, flipping to a page to begin reading, "i will now read an elegy."

"death is nothing at all.
it does not count.
i have only slipped away into the next room.
nothing has happened.

everything remains exactly as it was.
i am i, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

call me by the old familiar name.
speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
put no difference into your tone.
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

lash as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

life means all that it ever meant.
it is the same as it ever was.
there is absolute and unbroken continuity.
what is this death but a negligible accident?

why should i be out of mind because i am out of sight?
i am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.

all is well.
nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
one brief moment and all will be as it was before.
how we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!"

a comedic ending, just like how seungmin always left things on a humorous note, jeongin bit his lip as he sadly thought.

the black-haired boy stared down at his lap. he wasn't trying to not to cry; he just couldn't handle the tearful and anguished expressions all around him. sure, he talked to the boy every day, but he truly didn't know how to feel about this situation. seungmin was gone too soon and in a way nobody knew, as they found his body at their high school.

"i may now ask for anyone to come up and speak as they wish to say anything about kim seungmin," the funeral officiant spoke, stepping off the podium to then stand by it.

jeongin looked up to gaze at his friends, none of them looking like they were about to cry. until he looked at hyunjin, who had tears falling down his cheeks as he only stared at the casket. his casket was right there in the front and center of the church, which he knew tugged the older's heart as jeongin knew the amount of affection he had for him.

the black-haired boy sat as seungmin's family took turns speaking, which also left him feeling uneasy. he truly didn't know how to feel about this or what to say about it and no matter how many times he restated this, it was true.

•••

"why didn't you go up there and speak?"

"i don't think i could've handled it."

"why? you were his best friend and the one he knew the longest! he hated my guts so that's why i didn't say anything."

"sometimes, you don't need to do these things if they hurt you too much."

"huh? what do you mean?"

"sitting in there really hurt..."

"how did it hurt? i'm so confused, is there something wrong? i know he was really, really close to yo—"

"i'm fine, don't freak out."

"are you sure? because if you ever need to talk or anythi—"

"yeah,"

"...okay."

❝ 'cause how could i ever love someone else? ❞