offshore | h.s

8

GENEVIEVE CLARK

5:02 PM

I wake up feeling heavy, like I've been weighed down by an invisible force. I can't bring myself to get out of bed, so I lay there, staring up at the ceiling. It's already 5 pm, but the curtains are shut, and it feels like the middle of the night.

Suddenly, I feel a jolt as Avery jumps onto my bed, her tiny feet landing on my stomach. "Mumma! Wake up!" she exclaims, bouncing up and down.

I can't help but smile at her infectious energy, despite my mood. "What is it, baby?" I ask, trying to push myself up into a sitting position.

"It's Halloween and Auntie Amby bought me a Tinkerbell costume!" she exclaims, her eyes shining with excitement.

I feel a pang of guilt wash over me as I realize I had completely forgotten about Halloween. It's not a big holiday in Australia, so it never really registered on my radar.

But seeing Avery's excitement makes me want to be a part of it. "Okay, let's get up and get you ready," I say, feeling a flicker of motivation.

I slowly get out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom, my mind still feeling foggy. As I help Avery into her costume, I can't help but feel like a failure. As a mother, I should be excited about these things. I should be more present, and more engaged.

It's just been so hard with everything going on right now, but I know I need to be strong for her. 

But as I watch my daughter twirl around in her sparkly green dress, her tiny wings flapping behind her, I feel a glimmer of hope. Maybe today will be a turning point. Maybe I can push through this heaviness and be the mother she deserves.

"You look beautiful, Avery June," I say, and pull her into a tight hug, tears building up in my eyes. I just cannot believe how fast she's growing up. 

I tie her hair up into a bun and spray some glitter hairspray I found in the cabinet onto it.

"Okay, Ave. Can you run downstairs to Auntie Amber so Mum can get ready?" I ask her.

She replies with a nod and I quickly shower and change into fresh clothes, trying to make myself presentable. As I make my way downstairs, I can hear the sounds of laughter and chatter coming from the living room. 

As I enter the room, I see Avery sitting on Harry's lap, giggling at something he's saying. Amber, James and Gemma are sitting on the couch, sipping on wine and chatting. They all turn to look at me as I enter the room.

Gemma stands up and gives me a hug. "We missed you, Gen. How are you holding up?"

I take a deep breath and try to push away the sadness that threatens to overwhelm me. "I'm okay, I guess. It's been a tough day."

Amber puts her arm around me. "We're here for you, Gen. Anything you need, just let us know."

"I know. Thank you all so much for looking after Ave while I've been like this," I feel grateful for their support, but at the same time, I feel like a burden. I know I need to snap out of this funk and start being the mother Avery deserves.

As I watch Avery playing with Harry, a pang of guilt hits me. I need to be there for her and make sure she has a good Halloween. "Okay, guys, let's get this show on the road! Who's ready for trick-or-treating?"

Avery jumps off Harry's lap and runs to me. "Me, Mumma! Me!"

I pick her up and give her a kiss on the forehead. "Okay, let's go."

We all make our way outside, the cool autumn air hitting us as we step onto the porch. As we walk down the street, we pass by houses decorated with spiderwebs, pumpkins, and skeletons. Avery's eyes light up at the sight of each one, and she eagerly runs up to each door, yelling 'Trick or treat!' with a smile.