offshore | h.s

55

GENEVIEVE CLARK

Sitting in the waiting room of my new therapist Alicia's office, I can't help but feel a knot of anxiety tightening in my chest. The walls seem to close in around me, suffocating me with their sterile white hue. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, my mind racing with a thousand thoughts and fears.

There's really something wrong with me. I mean, why else would I be here? Why else would I need therapy?

I glance down at my hands, noticing the way they tremble ever so slightly.

Fuck, I'm fucked up.

Alicia's voice calls my name, and I quietly make my way into her office. It's neat and tidy, a stark contrast to the chaos raging inside me. I sit down in the chair opposite her desk, feeling the weight of the moment settling over me.

Alicia has honey-blonde hair and green eyes that match the wall behind her. She's wearing leopard print ballet flats, dark blue baggy jeans, and a plain white tank top.

"Good afternoon, Gen," Alicia greets me, her tone matter-of-fact. "Thank you for coming in today."

I nod in response, my nerves still buzzing beneath the surface. There's no turning back now. It's time to face whatever lies ahead, head-on, no matter how uncomfortable or difficult it may be.

"Have you ever been to therapy before?" Alicia asks, her tone gentle yet probing.

I shake my head silently, feeling a pang of unease at the thought of delving into my innermost thoughts and emotions with a stranger.

Alicia jots something down in her notebook, her movements swift and precise. The scratching of the pen against paper fills the room.

"Alright, Gen," Alicia begins, her voice steady as she lays out what therapy will look like for me. "In our sessions, we'll have the opportunity to explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a safe and nonjudgmental space. Our goal is to work together to identify any patterns or behaviours that may be causing you distress and to develop strategies for coping and moving forward."

I nod along, trying to absorb everything she's saying despite the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me.

"Before our next session, I sent over a survey for you to fill out," Alicia continues, her gaze meeting mine. "Have you had a chance to complete it?"

My heart sinks as I realize I haven't even glanced at the survey. "Oh, no, I'm so sorry," I stammer, feeling a rush of guilt. "I've got a two-year-old at home, and just... we just moved-"

Alicia cuts me off with a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it," she says kindly. "Life can be hectic, especially with little ones around."

She pauses for a moment before adding, "If you've got some time later today, it would be great though."

I nod before she says, "Well, why don't we start with your childhood then? What was it like?" Alicia suggests, her tone gentle yet probing.

I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts before responding. "I grew up in a really nice area of Sydney," I begin, the memories flooding back as I speak. "It was just me and my mum. We were pretty well off, so I never really had to worry about money or anything like that. I loved dance, I mean it was my absolute passion."

Alicia nods, jotting down notes in her notebook. "And what was that like?" she prompts, her gaze fixed on me expectantly.

I pause, feeling a knot form in the pit of my stomach. Is she really going to tell this random woman my deepest secrets? 

"It was... complicated, I guess."

Alicia raises her eyebrows, her expression one of understanding mixed with curiosity. I take a deep breath, steeling myself for what comes next.