Chance Upon A Tempest

Chapter 36

When Piper arrives back home on Wednesday afternoon, she paces her apartment. She recollects her actions in the past couple of hours, breaking and entering into Jimin's apartment, then pillaging and snooping, and finally, calling Veronica to confront her, but ultimately chickening out. She is both disconcerted and somewhat astounded by her dedication to an objective that she had set for herself. Piper thinks, "I broke all kinds of laws and committed felonies. I don't know if I should be proud of myself or commit myself into a psychiatric institution."

As Piper systematically chews her nails and cuticles down to a bloody nub, she tries to make sense of why Jimin had dumped her out of nowhere for Veronica. Since the engagement, he had been more attentive and sweeter than ever, and the sex was never better. He was needier, rougher, more demanding, and downright filthy at times, and Piper couldn't get enough of it. So, then why, out of nowhere, did he drop the bomb on her?

Thinking about it all now, she could feel the current of anger, blood-red and viscous, bubbling right beneath the surface of her barely held together calm. Every once in a while, a thick bubble of anger would break through the surface and release a metaphorical cloud of poisonous gas that was contained within it, and seared everything that it came in contact with. In those moments, she would tell herself to keep calm and cool, so that she can keep a clear head about herself.

Piper still cried herself to sleep at night and during the day, her mood fluctuated between complete dejection to utter rage, and felt every emotion that was present in between those two on the feeling spectrum. More than once, she thought about going to his office to see him, even if it was just to get a glimpse of him or just to talk to him about anything. But whenever she thought of it, she'd almost immediately think better of it and let go of that idea. The reason why Piper didn't go to see Jimin at work, was not because she didn't want his work to be affected, but because she didn't want him to be angry with her. Piper wanted to stack the deck in her favor when it came to the possibility of getting back together with Jimin. Piper knew that making him angry may confirm in his mind that he had made the right choice by walking away from her. And she wasn't about to become the catalyst for that confirmation. However, Piper didn't want to sit and do nothing. She hated feeling helpless, more than the feeling of abandonment and ire. Besides, Piper missed Jimin. What she really wanted to do was to see him, meet with him, talk to him and just be near him. So, she decided to call him Wednesday evening, hoping that he would agree to see her.

But to Piper's utter chagrin, the phone call with Jimin did not go the way she had desperately hoped. After that brief telephone conversation, Piper was absolutely gutted. She allowed herself to be vulnerable and asked him, no, begged him to meet with her, but her desperate plea was met with resounding repudiation. Jimin had flat out refused to see her. When Jimin said he had to go and hung up the phone, Piper felt as if her heart was being torn apart to bits for the second time in less than a week's time.

After a bout of crying, Piper reminds herself to focus on the positives. During their telephone conversation, Jimin sounded genuinely concerned and seemed sorry to hear that Piper was in so much pain. Jimin had said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. I really wish I could take some of the pain away from you, but I don't know how." Piper chooses to take Jimin's concern over her pain and his wish to alleviate it as a hopeful sign of possible future reconciliation.

Piper tells herself that the conversation wasn't a case of total doom and gloom and feels a little better. She thinks, "I have to get him back. Jimin has just lost his way. We are meant to be together. Damnit! Why didn't I stay on the phone and confront that Veronica woman? Jesus Christ... I should have written her phone number down. Shit! I need to confront her, but how do I do that now? I am not going back to his apartment to get the number. I'm never doing anything like that again. Ugh! There has to be a way."