Without A Little Risk

Dream

After last nights fiasco it was Pierre who carried me to my hotel, tucked me in and never left my side. Charles had muttered annoyed Italian, picked up the chair and promised we could all leave if I wanted. But in keeping with an evening of unexpected turns, Pierre had insisted he'd take me back instead.

I agreed because I know how much Amelia loves a good party, and we'd walked back together. We moved in slow silence but sweet Pierre did force us to stop for ice cream he somehow read my mind about. If words would have come to me I would have asked, but I was too wrapped up in my head for anything else. I was grateful but honestly had to words to give, nothing else left to say.

All drained out of me at the evenings row.

Saying goodbye to a dream will do that to you, and Daniel was always my dream.

For the first time in my life, I wake up with the sun.

New day, fresh start.

My stomach reminds me that I never ate last night and it desperately wants filled. So there's only one answer, wake Pierre.

Rolling over to look at him he's sleeping soundly, not really a morning person either. I do love that about him. He looks like a little angel as he snoozes silently, blonde hairs ruffled all around him.

One little poke to the shoulder and his blue eyes flicker open.

"Hi." He croaks.

"Do you want to go to breakfast?" I proposition.

"Yeah." He doesn't say much, and neither do I as we get ready walk down the block to a bakery I've been snaking at all week. It's so early the city is still sleeping, getting over last nights hangover neither of us had a chance to get.

Pierre wears last nights clothes and a Ferrari hat of mine he'd swear he never touched if anyone asked. Between that and the glasses he's honestly pretty undercover.

It's not lost on me the guts it took from Pierre last night. Charles is like a brother to me and I would have expected that.. but Pierre is another story entirely.

And for Daniel to out our story to him... Ugh.

Terrible.

He hasn't pushed me for any answers, but that doesn't mean I don't feel like I have so explaining to do. We walk chatting about cars and the weather as if nothing had ever happened but the tension between still palpable.

So when we sit down with coffee in hand my brain finally starts fully firing again, "So about last night..." I start and Pierre gives me a small sheepish smile.

"You don't have to explain to me." He insists with kind blue eyes.

But I feel like I do. Like he deserves to hear the full story. "I want too," Because I sure as hell can't leave it at only what Daniel said. "What Daniel said is true, but that was last year.."

My eyes water and Pierre reaches to touch my hand across the table. 

Fucking hell, this story never gets easier to tell. Each time the words cross my lips feels like a shot to the gut. "I thought we were... building something. But it was just a fling, and by the time I found out Daniel was already sleeping with someone else. I lost her in December."

The cliff notes, because the whole chapter is too hard to get out.

Something shifts between us with each word that come out and Pierre is looking at me in a way I can't quite put a finger on. He takes his time to speak, picking his words carefully.

"Did he know you lost the baby?" Clarifying only the hardest part of the story.

Emotions washing over me, I look away from him. "He never knew about it. He only just found out in England."

Our food arrives and a hush comes back over us with it. One thing I always appreciate with Pierre is that he understands who he is comes with lots of eyes, eyes he takes extra care to avoid when needed. He's cautious to not let things spread and picks his words wisely with the press, and around other people.

Quite smart for a man of his age.

"I'm really sorry you had to go through that, and alone. I can't imagine the strength it took."

It's exactly the words I've been desperate to hear for so long now, but from the lips of the wrong man. When they fall on my ears something cracks inside of me, and blinking back the tears is no longer enough. I swallow the lump in my throat and do my best to wipe them away as they fall from my glasses. 

And Pierre? He just holds my hand across the table. Supportive and soft, letting me process as I need too. But I'm not sure this is something I'll ever fully be able to process. To overcome. Time may work it's healing magic over losing Daniel... But it'll never heal the pain of losing her.

"I really wanted her. Really wanted my own family, you know? I didn't care that Daniel didn't answer the phone because I didn't need him. It almost broke me to lose her."

"But you're still standing. You had the courage to reach out and grab hold of your dreams, and she'd be so proud of you for that."

Alright, this is going to be a tear filled brunch. It's settled.

I look across at him and Pierre is wiping his own tears, brought to them by the emotions of the story. Not really light easy first talk of the day conversation material. Yet, here we are.

I hope he's right.

"Thank you for saying that." I say with a deep exhale of relief.

"I mean every word." And I don't doubt him. I used to think Pierre was just good at one liners but now I'm starting to think this is genuinely how he thinks.

"And for coming out last night.. You didn't have to do that."

Now it's Pierres's turn to breath deeply. "Yes I did. That was out of fucking order."

He's not wrong there. But people do crazy shit when they're grieving. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

"He's just upset." I justify it, but the frenchman is having none of it.

"That doesn't make it right. Did you know Charles invited me to join you all in Italy?" Pierre sips his coffee casually, tossing me yet another shock. But also a welcome change of conversation topic.

At least this one doesn't make my stomach swirl with anxiety.

"He did?" Cocking an eyebrow to him over my glasses. Interesting Charles didn't mention it to me but who am I to care.

Pierre actually blushes, and I have to resist the urge not to giggle. "Is that alright?"

Holy hell, he's actually asking me if he can come. Me. "It's not my house." 

Giving him a small smile he doesn't quite return, instead studying me intensely "That's not really what I asked."

He's gonna make me say it. Shit, if this gets out on social media Daniel will not be pleased. He'll only keep thinking his assumption last night was right... But I wasn't the one to invite him and I can't live out the rest of my days trying to please Daniel. "Yeah, it'll be fun. I won't have to third wheel for once." 

Pierre cracks a crooked grin at me, and it's settled.

Italy here we come! For better or worse. Please, please be for the better.