misery || b.e

tv

sinking in the sofa, billie's eyes stayed glued to the tv screen. it had been about a month since she'd begun contemplating breaking up with y/n. but everytime she tried bringing it up, y/n would do something incredibly sweet and billie would find herself swooning all over again.

so she ended up not telling her.

she let out a long sigh, eyes still on the screen. she hadn't got any sleep the previous night and had instead stayed up thinking. she didn't know what to do anymore. she didn't know what the right thing was.

her phone screen lit up the dim room and one glance at who'd texted her made her turn her phone off. she'd been ignoring y/n for the past few hours, not wanting to talk to her right now. she just wanted to watch tv.

so what if y/n was worried sick? billie was always the one who was worried about y/n. maybe for once, y/n would get a taste of her own medicine.

today, she'd hit rock bottom. the past month leading up to this day was bad enough but she was feeling extremely terrible today in particular. she didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't want to eat - all she wanted to do was watch survivor.

she was so tired of missing her girlfriend. the distance was becoming too difficult to handle and she didn't think they were going to make it. no way in hell were they going to last, not unless y/n comes back to la forever.

but that wasn't possible. even though filming of season one was about to end, she'd still have to return to new york to film other seasons. not to mention, y/n was talented as fuck. she'd have several other projects she'd have to travel overseas for.

billie was happy that y/n landed her dream role, she really was. but she needed someone who could stay by her side most of the time. physical touch was her love language and she needed someone who could fulfill her needs.

and she also needed someone who'd be there for the important milestones in her life. y/n wasn't there for her birthday or for valentine's day. she had to be begged and forced to accompany billie to the met even though it took place in new york, where y/n currently was. she didn't make it to her album release party or the festivals she'd played recently which were some of the first shows she'd played in years.

y/n was always absent. billie was sure that if they broke up, there wouldn't be much of a difference. because even when they were together it felt like they were apart.

all this while it was like billie was a planet and y/n was her orbit. she couldn't do anything without her. she was nothing without her.

but that was no longer the case. billie knew the end was near and she just had to come to terms with it.

she grabbed her phone as she dialed a number, pressing it to her ear as she released a long sigh.

"hey."

"hi fin. can i come over?" billie spoke quietly as she stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep her voice from wavering.

"yeah. yeah of course. you don't have to ask." finneas said, noticing her quiet sniffles. "is everything okay though?"

"yeah i just- i need to be around people right now." billie mumbled as she closed her eyes.

"got it. want me to invite a few of our friends too?" finneas asked and billie let out a shaky sigh.

"just zoe and drew."

-----------------

with her head thrown back on the couch, billie closed her eyes as she tuned out of the conversation. she was so, so tired. she'd expected to feel better once she was with her friends but all they seemed to do was talk about their significant others. so naturally, thirty minutes in and billie already wanted to go back home.