misery || b.e

can't lose you

"what's up?" y/n asked once they'd stopped in the hallway, curious as to what billie had to say to her. she watched as the blonde shifted nervously from one foot to the other and refused to meet her eyes, choosing to look at the floor instead.

y/n took notice of how anxious billie seemed and reached out to grab her by her hips, pulling her close as their bodies pressed against each other. "talk to me, pretty girl." she whispered and billie's stomach churned at the name.

she saw how billie still refused to meet her gaze and let out a soft sigh, using her index finger to tilt billie's chin upwards in order to make eye contact. "is everything okay?"

billie looked into her eyes as she let out a sharp breath. "yeah." she mumbled before shaking her head. "i- i mean, no?" she said in a questioning tone, unsure of what to say or how she was going to go about this.

"what's wrong?" y/n asked as she let go of her hips and instead held her hands, giving way for some space between them. billie's eyes darted around the hallway and she bit her lip as she tried figuring out what to say.

"i.." she began, willing the heartbreaking words to leave her mouth. but they wouldn't. she couldn't say it.

y/n searched her tired eyes and noticed how scared and nervous she seemed. this quite confused her because billie was never like this around her. she didn't understand what made her so frightened and anxious.

"billie?" she called out softly and the blonde looked down at the floor, hands grasping y/n's tightly. "talk to me. what's bothering you?"

billie's heart hurt at how caring y/n was being. this was already hard enough as it is, she didn't need y/n to make it harder by being all sweet to her. it was only making her feel worse.

"baby tell me what's going on. did something happen?" y/n asked in a gentle voice and billie's chest felt heavy. she didn't want to do this, but she had to. for her own sanity. and most importantly, for her own happiness.

"i.." she trailed off again, biting hard at her bottom lip as she squeezed y/n's fingers. she stared at the floor as a few tears began forming in her eyes out of both frustration and guilt. frustration due to the fact that she couldn't get herself to say it and guilt because of how much heartbreak she was about to cause.

y/n took notice of this as she furrowed her eyebrows in concern, holding billie's hands tightly. "it's okay. take your time." she told her and billie couldn't help but choke out a sob. "please don't cry, my love."

that was it. that name sent billie into a frenzy of tears as she felt her heart break, knowing she was going to hurt the one person she cared so much about. she hated that she was using pet names on her right before what she was going to do.

y/n frowned as she reached out to hug her girlfriend, billie's arms wrapping tightly around y/n's body. she sobbed softly on her shoulder and y/n grew more confused and concerned by the second. she pressed a kiss to billie's cheek, wanting nothing more than to make her stop hurting.

"i'm sorry." billie sobbed out and y/n hugged her tight, whispering sweet encouragements in her ear as she tried to stop her from crying. she had no idea why billie was sorry and frankly, it was scaring her. what had she done?

it took a few minutes for billie to calm down and when she finally did, she grabbed y/n's hands again while looking extremely guilty.

"billie, baby you're scaring me. what happened?" y/n asked slowly as she stared at billie who's eyes were still fixed on the floor.

"i.." billie started for the third time, taking in a deep breath before letting out a shaky sigh. she looked y/n in the eyes and almost crumbled at the way she was looking at her. her eyes were filled with concern and billie couldn't believe she was about to hurt her so bad.