misery || b.e

call

billie sat on the bedroom floor with her back against the wall, staring at nothing in particular. she had tears streaming down her cheeks and they only went faster with every passing second.

she was supposed to be happy now.

she heaved a shaky breath and used her trembling hands to unblur her vision, but the tears just kept pouring. they wouldn't stop and billie was so tired of trying to stop them.

her mind was a mess. on one hand, she wanted to believe she'd done the right thing. she'd done what was best for them. she'd done this so that they'd be happier.

but she couldn't help but think she'd made a huge mistake. she was supposed to be happy now, but she was so far from it that she didn't even know what happiness was anymore.

she brought her knees closer to her chest and hugged them as she buried her face in them. she wanted to be happy more than anything, but she seemed to have forgotten how to be happy.

she sighed shakily as she reached for her phone and scrolled through her contacts, contemplating calling y/n. but right before she was about to, she stopped herself.

would it really be fair to call y/n a day after their break up?

billie shook her head before placing her phone back down and her whole body shook as she sobbed loudly. she just couldn't hold it in anymore. it hurt far too much.

it felt like her chest was about to burst and she couldn't breathe. this morning had been the absolute worst. it was the first morning after they'd broken up and billie had eagerly reached for her phone, ready to reply to y/n's 'good morning' text just like every other day.

only, she hadn't received anything.

she'd been confused at first until she'd finally remembered that they'd broken up the previous day. and that sent her into a frenzy of tears which she was yet to recover from.

she sighed softly as she tried to stop herself from crying, her body growing fatigue from all the emotions she was facing. it had been a while since she'd felt this much and it was proving to be quite overwhelming.

meanwhile, y/n was in a completely different state of mind. the only emotion she was feeling was anger. only, it wasn't anger towards herself anymore. it was anger towards billie.

"i hate her, i hate her, i hate her!" she yelled as she paced around her room, joshua watching her through the screen of the phone she was carrying while doing so.

"okay y/n calm-"

"how could she do this? i mean, we'd made so many plans together. i wanted to marry her!" she pulled at her hair, the hurt and frustration evident on her face. but she refused to let her tears fall.

"y/n-" joshua tried, but y/n cut him off again.

"i wanted to have a future with her. i wanted to raise kids with her. i wanted to grow old with her." y/n mumbled, her voice growing quieter with every sentence. "i wanted to be hers forever." her voice cracked as she felt tears prick her eyes.

"y/n, hey hey calm down. sit down." joshua said softly and y/n's shoulders slumped as she took a seat on her bed, tears threating to spill any second. she looked at joshua through the facetime and sighed shakily as she shook her head.

"how could she do this, josh? how could she just break us apart like that? like we were nothing? like i was nothing."

"you know it's not like that." joshua spoke with a frown. "i'm sure it was hard for her too."

y/n looked down at the floor as she bit her lip. "she was supposed to stay." she let out a shaky breath. "i'm fucking pathetic, i can't believe i'm acting like this over a stupid break up."

"except it wasn't just a stupid break up." joshua reasoned before sighing. "you thought she was your forever. and suddenly, she's not. that's bound to hurt. i don't blame you for everything you're feeling. i mean, yesterday morning you thought you guys were doing great and out of nowhere she breaks up with you."

he sighed again before continuing. "but it'll be okay! at some point. it has to be."

"but what if it's not?" y/n whispered, a few tears falling down her cheeks. "what if- what if i'm never okay. what if i'm always so madly in love with her that i can never find someone else. and what if she finds someone new soon? i- i can't see that happen, josh. i can't see her with someone else. i'd rather die than watch her do the same things she used to do with me with someone else."

"y/n, stop. i want you to calm down. stop thinking about that. you'll be okay, i promise. just trust me on this. i know it hurts and it'll definitely hurt for a while but i promise you it'll stop hurting at some point." joshua spoke sincerely and y/n looked at him through the phone screen as she nodded slowly, attempting to wipe her tears away.

"it's just- it's not fair. it fucking sucks! and i know it's not her fault. it's my fault. it's all my fault. there's no point in blaming her for letting me go so easily. because really, she should've left long ago." y/n said quietly with a shaky sigh.

"if i was just who she wanted me to be, she would've stayed."

"don't say that. don't blame yourself for this. neither of you are at fault. i know how hard you tried to be there for her and i know she knows that too." joshua said with a frown.

"clearly not hard enough." y/n muttered as she looked down at the floor. "it's-"

y/n was about to say something more but was cut off when she noticed she was receiving a call. her eyes grew wide when she realized who it was from and she almost choked on her saliva upon reading the caller id.

"hold on, josh. i'm going to have to call you back." she ended the facetime before joshua had a chance to reply and she just stared at her screen in pure confusion.

why was billie calling her?

her heart was racing as her finger hovered over the accept button, wondering if she should click it. she had to answer, right? she had to know what billie wanted to say to her.

but then again, did she really want to get hurt again? billie had already hurt her enough. she didn't see the point in talking to her more.

so she let it go to voicemail.

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thanks for reading <3