misery || b.e

packing

billie walked back into the living room where everyone was seated, the whole room going quiet as soon as they saw her enter. she breathed out a shaky sigh as she walked further inside and took a seat on the couch, eyes on the floor.

she felt the hot tears roll down her cheeks as she clenched her jaw, hurting more than she'd expected to. this was supposed to be easy. she was supposed to feel better now.

but why did it feel like the whole world had just fallen apart?

she balled her fists, eyes closed as she tried holding back tears. but it was of no use. the tears just kept falling.

"do you uhm- do you want to talk about it?" finneas was the one to break the unbearable silence and billie's eyes stayed closed as she shook her head.

"i feel..horrible." she mumbled with her head in her hands. "i'm a horrible, horrible person."

"billie don't say that." drew said softly and she only sobbed louder at that.

"yeah." zoe chimed in. "it's good that you're putting yourself first for once."

but the blonde only shook her head, her shoulders shaking as she cried. "i feel so guilty. she looked so hurt." she whispered. "i fucking suck, don't i? i can't believe i hurt her."

"you don't suck." claudia spoke sincerely. "you were just trying to do what's best for you."

"but what if this is not what's best for me? what if..what if i just ruined the one good thing i've ever had? what if i've made the biggest mistake ever?" billie panicked and finneas held her arm to help her calm down.

"billie, stop. it's going to be okay. calm down." he said and billie's cries only got more violent as she shook in her seat.

claudia frowned at her and with a sigh, spoke. "i'm going to go check on y/n." she said, knowing she probably wasn't feeling that great either.

when claudia spotted y/n outside their house, she was just about to get into the driver's seat of her car. so she jogged over to the vehicle and waved to make y/n roll the window down, confused at how calm she looked.

"hey." y/n said to her, claudia tilting her head to the side.

"i'm going to be honest, i expected you to be crying your eyes out." claudia commented but y/n only shrugged at her. "are you..okay?"

y/n pursed her lips to the side before nodding. "yeah. i'm okay."

claudia looked at her with raised eyebrows, leaning against the car door. "you are?"

"yeah?" y/n said in a questioning tone, as if she'd not just said the most surprising thing ever. "why wouldn't i be?"

claudia narrowed her eyes at her as she clicked her tongue. "because billie just broke up with you?" she said, her confusion clear in her voice. "are you sick or something?"

y/n just shrugged again. "i don't know. it's just a break up."

claudia's eyes grew wide upon hearing her refer to it like that, especially after hearing y/n desparately beg billie to stay less than five minutes ago.

"just a break- y/n." claudia said as she shook her head. "this is the girl you wanted to propose to in a few months. how are you so calm about this? i mean, i'm glad you're okay but i'm genuinely confused."

y/n let out a long sigh as she looked away from the brunette, her eyes now straight ahead instead. "i'm confused too." she mumbled, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "i mean, it was so sudden. i haven't even processed it yet. i'll probably end up crying the minute i start packing."