Nesert

1.10

Episode 3.10 "Forever in a Day" and Episode 3.11 "Past and Present

Tessa was in and out over the next while, coming to just long enough to make quick observations: she was no longer in the isolation room, her restraints had been removed, the ache in their head was slowly dissipating, and everything felt far too big.

When she finally awoke more fully, it had likely been several days since she'd expected to die with Sekhmet. Now she found herself moved from a tiny corner to a mansion, the last occupant gone. It felt too open, too impossibly large to be space for her to claim.

Dr. Frasier came over as Tessa's breathing quickened, filling the room with alarms.

"Are you in pain, dear?" The doctor was checking vitals and trying to locate the source of her patient's distress.

"It's too much," the girl said between gasps for air. "Too much space, too much emptiness, too much, too much." She had gone from crowded too closely to floating in an expanse with no edges to grasp hold of, as well as, she realized quite suddenly, no Sekhmet to control the rising panic. She had relied too heavily on the goa'uld's mastery of their body and now her own skills had atrophied.

Tessa could see Dr. Frasier speaking, but could no longer hear her over their pounding heart. A needle appeared from a nurse's hand and everything began to slow down and disappear.

The next attempt the next day was muddy and she was informed that they had placed her on a mild sedative to keep her calmer. She barely preferred having to trudge through the muck grabbing onto every thought. It forced a slower pace to process the drastic change, however, and that was beneficial to the host.

The former host.

As Tessa took stock of the new space, she realized that while Sekhmet had moved out, she'd left all the furniture, all the decor, all the books. It was all still there, ready for Tessa to move in. It felt too familiar, too comfortable, too normal, and she kept expecting Sekhmet to jump out from a closet or hidden passageway. The goa'uld's conscious mind wasn't there, though, just her memories, her knowledge, her skills. And whatever had happened had not erased the goa'uld's impact and influence on Tessa.

She wasn't the old Tessa. She was the Tessa she'd been with Sekhmet.

Still, the few remnants of the old Tessa found the sedative not nearly strong enough for this revelation. She forced calm on their...her body by focusing on the memories of Sekhmet doing the same.

After that it was easier to maintain the facade without the help of pharmaceuticals and soon she was moved out of the infirmary with strict instructions from Dr. Frasier to find her way back there at the slightest sense of trouble. They still maintained a guard on her, but she felt the general mood relax around her.

They wanted her to see a psychologist, of course, but everyone seemed to think her physical health needed more recovering than it likely did. Tessa did nothing to alter that perception. She was still working through her own version of things and deciding what she would share.

She wasn't sure how responsible she was. The guilt she'd let Sekhmet push away for years came flooding back, just held back by a dam, never cleansed, and the things she'd done threatened to bury her. On this side of things, she doubted people would feel very sympathetic to the choices she'd made. She wasn't sure even she felt sympathetic to who she'd become.

Dr. Jackson made an appearance at least once a day, even after he realized she really couldn't help him save Sha're. Tessa didn't speak much and Daniel seemed to be more comfortable in silence than others that had tried to visit. While Teal'c could sit and not speak for long stretches, he seemed to sense that his goa'uld larvae made her uncomfortable. What he didn't realize was that it was actually soothing physically and that bothered her mentally.