Homeless Vain

41

Days turned into weeks and it was almost a month. The outcome I could conclude was, it worsened.

Not even a single text or a call from him. Like he had disappeared where nobody could even find and trace him.

I had tried calling him after erasing all the shame and egos but still, he didn't even pick up, resulting in me having this naughty bad thought about him.

Was he enjoying those times I was seen desperate? Was he even laughing when he saw all the notifications from me appearing on his screen?

Desperate.

Maybe I did see one - a lot, and maybe that was why he ignored me. Because he wanted to stop my delusional from spiking up. Why couldn't he just say to my face, that he didn't want to commit anything with me?

In the end, I was the one who wished to see cherry blossoms blooming beautifully on every branch of the tree. But what greeted me was all the dried leaves falling to the hard cold ground.

"You know I'd always supported you with Kevin right?" Jacob spoke up, taking a seat across me at the table. "I still am and will keep supporting you."

I stayed silent, twirling the straw along the circumference of the tall glass of the drink, the amount hadn't decreased since my arrival.

"I wish I knew what's in Kevin's head so that I can tell you one," he added after sensing the constant silence I launched. "But, I also have a hard time contacting him. So I think, he treats everyone equally."

A bit, I was relieved but that wasn't enough.

I stood firm with my decision, not responding to anything even with a small nod or by a brow raised. My focus was still on the glass, inspecting it from various angles.

And here came the girls.

Evelyn took the seat next to Jacob while Faye took the one next to me. At this rate, whatever I did was not seen as rare in their eyes, none was questioning why I chose to be a deaf robot, ignoring everything other than myself.

Until Faye spoke up first, "Don't worry babe. You can get a better man."

"I hope you will end up with Kevin but what he did to you now is..... quite maddening," Evelyn added, glancing over Jacob. "Why can't he make everything easier? Ivy can move on and find someone else by now."

Someone else?

That was the problem. I couldn't open my heart to anyone else. Nobody is visible.

"Well, like I said, I hope I know too," Jacob calmly replied, defending himself. "But, I'm sure everything is gonna be fine."

Enough.

"I don't need any of you to convince me that everything is fine because it's not!" unknowingly, I slammed my hands on the table, my body jolted up by the impact.

I eyed the table, they were looking at me in horror, probably because they had never seen me in this state.

"It may be simple for you guys to say because you guys aren't in my shoes," I added though a pure angel from inside me was whispering to put everything on stop. But, I couldn't. All because of the demon that was also from inside me. "So you guys are welcome to laugh at my face because I ignored the sincere advice you guys had given. Yes, it's my fault! It's my fault that I keep wanting to chase after someone who never sees me!"

"Ivy!" Evelyn jolted up, eyes trembling in fear. "What's gotten into you? Did something happen at home?"

I flinched and all of a sudden, I felt terrible.

What have I done?

It all felt like a dream. Like that wasn't me. I didn't cause any ruckus just now. No, it couldn't be.

"Babe," Faye held my hand and Evelyn rushed to my side, her hand was then rubbing circle on my back.

My view suddenly blurred, and my breath was getting heavier as time passed by.

There was a questioning stare in Jacob's eyes but he kept it to himself. Perhaps he thought it would never be good if he let it out now.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap," I took a step back, releasing myself from any touches of my friends. "I...I... need to go."

Another step backward was taken and Evelyn was following my rhythm. Like she won't let me go.

And my guess was right when she extended her hand forward, reaching for mine.

"You aren't yourself, Ivy," now she was desperate. Her eyes widened ever so slightly as if she was hypnotizing me to listen to every word she said. "We can talk. You know we will listen."

"I'm s-sorry," for the first time since we befriended each other, I pushed them away.

Desperate voices calling for my name sounded too faint as I squeezed myself through the glass door, making my way out of the cafe. I thought the sound of the cold breeze hitting me could've beaten the sound of my name being enchanted but no, my prediction was wrong.

Among the various types of tones that were calling me, there was one that sounded too clear as if the person was closer.

And I started to get annoyed.

Just leave me alone!

"IVY!"

"WHAT?!" and I turned around just to halt all my systems from functioning.

"Talk to me."

He was stern and I had no power to go against him. Most likely, he was born with that aura for reasons. So that he could be the mediator among us in case a conflict like this happens.

Chanhee sighed, running his hand through his silky hair after I put the full stop to my story about Kevin Moon.

Everything. I told him everything.

"Weird," the only thing he managed to say.

I stood still facing him, desperation consuming me wholly.

"Didn't he tell you anything? A-about him or about me or anything..?"

"Nothing Ivy.. I won't keep it from you if he did."

Squeezing my eyes as I let out a sigh, I ducked down, feeling too heavy even to stand. Why must everything be this chaotic? I thought the happiness I was craving for was nearing but suddenly all disappeared without I saw it coming.

Why?

"We're just the same," Chanhee mirrored me, the tone laced in his voice sounded like sadness. But what for?

"How come?" I asked, looking at him pouting.

"Remember about my crush? I haven't gotten my answer from her either. We're the same."

How could I miss this out?

He was so eager to tell me about the girl that managed to catch his attention. He looked so happy whenever that girl was brought into our conversation. But then, he suddenly went silent about her and I was so engrossed in my problem that I forgot even to ask.

"I think she wants to reject me," he said rather calmly, chuckling as he eyed me. "I'm not offended though but if it's correct, I'd be disappointed. She has been giving me hope since a few years back then."

"Why must she reject you?" I questioned.

"Duh," Chanhee rolled his eyes. "I'm not the type that people will go crazy about."

Who said?

At a moment like this, what we need is not encouragement, not even the 'it's gonna be fine'. But what we need is someone who's going through the same thing, and can relate to everything we said.

Here is what I need. Choi Chanhee is what I need and I am what he needs.

"Why does someone we like refuse to like us back?" I dumbly asked to which Chanhee chuckled.

"I don't know. But I know one thing," his brow raised. "They're gonna regret it."