Homeless Vain

04

I'm in dilemma.

It was a short message I received from Kevin but the amount of shock that had consumed me was beyond my imagination.

"What's on earth is happening?" was the first question I asked as soon as he picked up the call I didn't know I made.

Well, since he came back, I'd committed a lot of unexpected actions. Most of them were things I hadn't done before.

My friends knew how Ivy hated phone calls, but here I was, holding up a phone against my ear after abandoning my writing halfway just because of the short message.

"I-" Kevin was taken aback. Maybe he didn't expect to get a call in a span of 1 minute after he sent the text. "Where are you?"

"I have a meeting shortly for the book cover, don't waste my time," I paced back and forth in the cozy space this publishing team had prepared for me whenever I came over. "What kind of dilemma are you in Kevin? You scared me!"

Another one thing I almost forgot about my dearest friend who was also my crush, he'd never scared whenever my voice inclined. And he still did because I could hear a faint laugh from the end of the line.

What was funny actually?

"I did some interviews," he told and my mind aimlessly wandering.

"Then what is the dilemma?" I asked, my free hand was cupping my waist.

"Interviews," he emphasized again. From his tone, I knew he already frustrated with my slow brain. Well, blame the connection and my hearing ability. That's why I preferred text the most. "I did for two. Which one should I choose?"

My brain froze.

Did I hear it correct? Kevin was asking me for an opinion?

It was in the moment like this where I felt alive, I felt seen and on top of everything, I felt appreciated.

My selfless self had always forced me to put people first before me and that was how I lived. I valued people the most, always wanted to be the best for them, always wanted to be there whenever they were in need.

But, in some cases, betrayals took a role like they were some sorts of promises to be happened whenever you helped someone. The feeling when the people you helped, acted like they had never received helps from you would always remain as unhealed scars.

I'd experienced many episodes of this said betrayal, it just felt like I won't be recovered from the pain. So, when I'd stopped to be selfless, I'd stopped feeling the electrifying sensation as well.

But it came back now.

Kevin had brought it back to me.

"Options?" I questioned which made me sound like a detective, plopping down on the chair facing my laptop in the process.

"Well, this one option is promising. I got the offer letter already and they need the answer by the end of this week," he explained. "The other one also said, the chance is high for me to fill in but their confirmation will be by the end of the month."

I pondered, lost for words. Now I knew why it was a 'dilemma' for him.

However, Kevin seemed to notice my daze since his talkative friend suddenly got quiet. Of course something did happen.

So he continued, "the first option is far from home and the second one is just nice."

I chuckled, "Kevin Moon, are you seriously worried about the distance? You're a man, bro."

"A lot to be considered," I could tell that he was shaking his head. "It's too far, I need to move out and live in a foreign land of different state."

"S-State?" I stammered. "Okay, that's hard."