Homeless Vain

42

What would have changed if I told Evelyn the truth when she asked whether something had happened at my home?

What would it be if I told her that 'yes, something did happen and it was killing me'?

I'd never kept secrets from them but this time, it was hard for me to spill it easily. It just felt like none of them would understand the position I was in.

It happened on that day my mother baked cakes. When I said cakes, it was undeniably a lot. And the normal cycle went on as she asked me to call everyone to come and pick up their portions or I could send it to them - either one.

Daisy wasn't in town so she sadly let hers be someone else's. Coincidentally, I was on my way to meet Sangyeon, so I decided to drop Evelyn's and Jacob's at the cafe together with Faye's.

Still normal right?

Not until I texted Chanhee and Kevin at the same time. I knew my luck to see a response from Kevin was too low but still, I was eager to try.

I was desperate to show him that I had moved on from the day we spent together at the carnival. I wanted him to know that I won't push him for any answer anymore. I wanted him to realize that the one who was talking to him wasn't the version of Ivy who had confessed to him but another version of Ivy who was nothing but a friend.

But still, he ignored my text which I asked 'Are you around?'

He left me on read again and somehow, after numerous times being ghosted like that, I was less hurting by now.

Perhaps I had adapted?

Back to the story, while Kevin left me unanswered, Chanhee had replied telling me that he was on a trip with his parents but they would drop by my house on their way home.

And that was when the peace of my life got taken away.

My mother seemed to have been listing out all my friends' names. She noticed that Kevin was the only one who was missing in action.

So, she asked whether I'd forgotten because there was no way I would miss out on someone so important in my life.

I didn't let her know the truth of course. I told her that Kevin hadn't responded, probably busy with work. Moreover, he's living in a city that was far away from home, so it wasn't so surprising if he was not able to come.

I mean, logically it was what it was.

However, my mother had a different view.

"Even so, he shouldn't have left someone unanswered. What is his problem to treat people nastily?"

Nastily?

I was the one who got treated differently by Kevin but never once did I ever think that his treatment was nasty. My mother did not have any right to say that.

And it led to my most scariest fear.

"What had he said to your confession?"

From here I just knew that everything was done. I couldn't be hiding anymore and I couldn't lie either. I just had to tell her the truth.

Maybe it was my fault but yes, the damage had been done.

I told her everything but still gaslighted both of us by saying that I still had the chance when I brought up the topic he had asked me at the carnival.

"And what he did to you now? Do you think it's all connected?"

My heart tore apart that day. I was trapped in the darkness of the tunnel again, unable to get out nor see the way out.