Homeless Vain

31

"Are you okay though?"

Faye's voice snapped me back from the daze I didn't know I was engrossed into. I must have been sleeping with open eyes for too long now. It stung as I adjusted my view with the light.

"I think so.." burying my face into my palms, I took the chance to ease the pain in my eyes by slightly rubbing them. As I open them back, they were wet that one would've probably mistook me for crying.

My focus darted back to the screen of my phone that was facing me, the sturdy wall of my room had supported it well.

Three pairs of eyes were looking at me from separate screen, faces full with concerns. This view had always trapped me in a glass full of feelings mixed together, creating a substance called a mixture of uneasiness.

I loved the attentions they paid on me, I loved their presences that would be comforting me whenever I was at my lowest. But, during this time, I didn't think I wanted it.

Slumping back against the swivel chair, my head fell backward, bringing my eyes to be lingered around my ceiling.

It was high and it sufficed to let my mind travel along its height together with the worries I had.

But this time, my worries won't leave.

It seemed would be living inside my head for quite some times, playing with my pure thought to influence them to be naughty and filled only with negativity.

"I just don't understand," I admitted, slowly trailing my gaze back to the phone screen, three girls were attentively looking at me. "What does he mean by 'not now'? Is that means he wants me to wait for him? Or he wants to commit a relationship with someone else later? Or what?"

"I don't know that Kevin Moon can be such a log," Faye said that made me snort breathily by the term she'd chosen. She seemed to notice the questioning faces portrayed. A sigh escaping her system before she rambled, "Ivy, you clearly have confessed. You made it clear that you wanted him. Giving an unclear answer is the same like we are talking to a log."

"That's harsh..." my brows furrowed as I looked around the area of her space on the screen.

"Faye got the point," Evelyn added with arms crossed from what I assumed as her cafe's staff room. "It's about time for Kevin to be honest. If he wants, just say yes. If otherwise, say no. Easy for him and easy for us to understand."

I remained in silent.

My morning - that I thought would be peaceful, was now dark though the sun was shining so bright. The grasses that were supposed to be damping with cold, pure dew had turned sticky with those hatred my friends thrown after pushing me to spill the details of my confession.

But then, wait a minute.

"What am I doing right now?" I questioned which made them flinch, raising queries about my sanity. "No guys, listen. Didn't I say I wanted to confess just to let him know about my feeling? If he said so, I'm not supposed to argue, right?"

I pulled the corner of my lips upwards, widening my eyes in a beam. For sure that was my initial plan, my intention. So why must I sit here in my room, looking back at what had happened and writing down those whys?

It wasn't my plan to be looked positive, I was always positive.

"Ivy.."Evelyn said my name rather slow and sentimental as if she was pitying me. And I wondered why. "We know exactly how you feel right now. Stop hypnotizing yourself that you're okay. You are not."

Instantly, my positiveness had disappeared into the thin air without any traces left.

I hated it that they were right. I hated it that they knew everything about me.