Homeless Vain

10

A week.

It had been a week since I let myself trap in my own head, overthought myself of the consequences to pursuing my old feeling.

My friends told me that it was definitely okay, nothing seemed wrong if I wanted to fight for Kevin's love again.

Evelyn even said that it was a fate to be met with him back - just like my silly theory.

But I still had some doubts lingering inside my head.

Number one; he had rejected me once, what if he rejects me again this time?

Number two; I definitely felt comfortable to talk to him again after some times. So what if he finds out about me crushing on him again and eventually distancing himself from me?

Number three; I completely forgot what else to list out because right here Daisy intercepted me with a sassy, "shut up Ivy."

"What we need to do right now is to find out whether Kevin is single or not," Evelyn suggested through the next video call we had while I was driving.

They were being paranoid over the fact that I had to drive to the publisher again, especially after what happened that day. So, here they were, virtually driving with me on my way home.

"Jacob can do that," Faye pointed out.

"Yes he can, but he said it's not guaranteed that Kevin will open up," Evelyn replied with a sigh. "You guys know how secretive he can be when it comes to himself."

I stayed silent through the trip. Not because I didn't pay any attention - I truly did. It just what she said was true. Kevin wasn't the type of person who would tell us about his life, not even his problems.

Well I guessed, him telling me about his daily life was an exception?

"You ask him yourself, Ivy," Daisy spoke up, snapping me back from my daze.

"What? Me?"

"Yes. At this point, he trusts you the most," she elaborated. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

I blinked, my head was working twice.

There was definitely something else that had interrupted me since the beginning of this discussion. Something I thought would be the biggest consequence ever.

I parked my car at one of the available spots, once again letting myself drown in a sea full of thoughts.

They seemed to notice my furrowed brows through the lens of the camera on each phones, or I had made it too obvious with my head ponder.

One of them spoke up, "what exactly are you thinking?"

I slumped back in my seat, glancing out through the windscreen.

"I'm scared," questioning gasps were heard from them. Slowly I averted my eyes to the screen. "Well, I just broke up with... you know who. Me having a crush on someone in a short span of time will make people talk."

"Why'd you worry about what people will say?" Faye questioned, unfazed of the topic. "Did they raise you?"

"What can I say, move on is the best option," Evelyn nodded at her own quote. "You've suffered with him but you're happy with Kevin."

I snorted which later earning a look from her.

"Stop the nonsense," Daisy sternly said to the camera, her eyes bulging out. "You better ask Kevin about his status, Ivy."

My face scrunched as my internal screamed. They were so certain that Kevin would open up to me while me myself had no confidence even once.

I wasn't someone special in his life to get a special treatment from him.