Homeless Vain

46

Do you know the feeling when you are at your lowest and you don't need to voice it loudly to let it be seen?

When someone calls your name with that droopy and misty eyes on their face or the simple touch on your skin - either rubbing circles on your back or spreading the warmth they have to you, or simply their presence is enough to let you shed your tears.

For you are assured, that someone still has your back, supporting every little step you take.

Evelyn drove me home from the coast considering that I wasn't in a good shape to drive. And I must agree with that. My car had been passed to Jacob to be driven back, the boy had dashed out from his house after receiving the call from his girl.

I felt bad for them, repeating my sorry every so often just to be answered with 'It's not a matter.'

I saw how Evelyn tried to distract me along the way home - playing the songs of our playlist out loud and even asking me to sing along. But what did she expect? I couldn't even open my eyes right now, let alone sing my heart out.

Arrived home, familiar cars in various colors and models were parked by the driveway near my house but none was red.

Not really a surprise.

A thin male figure jogged towards our direction, straightaway reaching for the handle of the passenger's seat of Evelyn's car. He looked super serious probably because his beauty sleep had been disturbed and I knew I might get killed anytime soon for being the cause.

"Hey," Chanhee bent forward as he opened the door, studying my pale face. "God, you look terrible."

I was glad that someone was concerned. But, was it weird if I said, I hoped it wasn't him?

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate every friend of mine. However, considering how my mother once had voiced out her opinion for me to date Chanhee, it felt weird to have him here checking on me.

That boy - being oblivious of what was happening, he helped me out, being the pole that I could hold when I was trying to find the balance on my feet. His concern look was confusing because I had never seen one from Choi Chanhee before.

"Now, should I whack Kevin with a brick? Or should I lecture him for being too reckless, or sh-"

"Chanhee, you're loud," I complained, running a hand through my hair. "Just leave him alone."

Faye then came approaching, pulling me away from the boy as if I were a baton that was passed from one person to another in a running course.

"You're driving me crazy," she sighed, eyes busily skimming me from head to toe. "Come here."

Little did I know my weak frame was then crashing against hers, with no sign of splitting up anytime soon. Especially when another figure came engulfing us followed by another one.

If there was a drone flying above us right now, I was sure we resembled a blooming rose that wasn't red, with me deeply sinking in the middle.

"How can you be this strong, Ivy?" a muffled voice of Daisy was heard and an urge to spill out the tears from my eyes had been sent to my brain. "How can you endure this pain alone?"

I squeezed myself out of the lovely hug, huffing as I looked down to the ground, a subtle move of my lips in an attempt to smile.

The thought of them - my friends, being here was unreal. The fact that they had been sacrificing their early morning lying down on their bed instead of here had brought tears to my eyes.

Was I too sensitive on this matter?

Maybe I was, nonetheless, when I looked around the area, I seemed to have concreted the real reason for the sadness.

The girls were all here in front of me - staring at me with sorrow filling in their eyes, Jacob and Chanhee were talking with each other rather seriously at one corner. Standing in front of the entrance of my house, there was Sangyeon with his hands shoved into his jeans pockets.

Everyone was here except him.

Another sign was sent to me, concreting my decision to move on.

"I'm sleepy.." I looked up to the sky, prohibiting any droplets from leaving my eyes.

I made the first step, the image of my comfy room was playing in my head, really attempting. My left arm was held by Evelyn leaving the other side for Daisy to grab, Faye was trailing behind.

My precious bodyguards.

And the smile of Sangyeon was what had greeted me before I could squeeze myself through the door. It was forceful, I could tell.

"We will talk once you feel better?" he asked which sounded like a suggestion. I pursed my lips into a thin line and weakly nodded at him.

"I'm sorry, Sangyeon. I must've-"

"How could you do this Ivy?!"

And my peace once again had been taken away, my mother's loud voice miraculously had invited the ache to be throbbing inside my head.

"Do you know how worried I was?" she dashed forward towards me but Sangyeon managed to hold her arm while I was being shielded by my girls. "You'd never thought about anyone else right, Ivy? All about yourself!"

"We should let her sleep first," Sangyeon said to my mother, beckoning the girls to help me inside.

I wanted to ignore her so badly, I wanted to pretend like I didn't hear anything. But, the anger inside me had been the barrier.

Others would've asked whether I was fine. Others would've been super curious to know what had happened.

But her...

As my mother, instead of asking if I was fine, I was getting scolded.

At this rate, I couldn't find any positivity anymore and I wasn't sure if I could survive living inside this house for the rest of my life.

I ditch my feelings for Kevin just to focus on you, Mother.

It was a desperation I felt. The desperation to voice out my thoughts out loud. However, learning from what had happened, Evelyn's voice buzzed in my head, halting all of my intentions.

"Don't fight with your mother Ivy...."

My soul seemed to have left my body at the moment I laid down on my bed, my right shoulder sunken into the softness of the mattress.

I couldn't tell whether I was tired of living or I was just sleepy. My eyelids moved down ever so subtly while I nuzzled my right cheek into the pillow underneath my head.

In no minute, my universe was black.

Someone had tucked the duvet over my body, most probably Daisy. And faint voices were heard coming from just outside my room, they belonged to males.

I couldn't hear it properly, but I managed to catch some.

"He didn't pick up," that voice was soft and elegant.

Is that Jacob?

"Have you left the message asking him to call back?" that was stern which I assumed was Chanhee.

What were they talking about?

I almost drifted into dreamland through the drowsiness, nonetheless, my eyes were then fluttered open again when someone stroked my hair.

It was Faye.

"Sleep Ivy. We will be here until you wake up," she assured with another forceful smile.

Was I seeing things?

It was then, someone's ringtone was blaring but this time, I did not have any energy left. My eyes won't open either.

It wasn't that long until the ringtone was killed, the owner must have picked up the call. I wonder whose phone was it.

And it wasn't that long either until I found out through my daze. Jacob's voice was faintly heard talking to the person at the end of the line.

"Hey, Kevin... we need to talk."