Homeless Vain

21

Funny how love can have such a big power to change you from every aspects dividing you in its pro and cons. From having something positive about you turns to negative or vice versa.

Funny how love can contribute to such a lot of dramas of many genres. Started from the dramatic 'love at the first sight' to the unexpected turn and ends with such a plot twist.

Funny how I used to say that I would expect less yet here I was, getting crumbled.

It was stupid - I know.

He didn't even know how I felt towards him, and I didn't even know how he saw me, yet I'd already broken like we were official.

Just because of a text message.

My fear had officially started. Fear of drifting apart from someone who already made me comfortable around them, who made me feel so secure without having to worry on how to fight all the odds, who actually my home.

Evelyn was still convincing me that Kevin probably was busy. After all, he never let anyone know of what kind of working environment he was in. And that, not only me that had been ghosted but also Jacob.

I was angry.

Not angry at him for not replying to my texts or actually never replied and just left me on read. No, that wasn't it.

I was angry at myself for being this vulnerable. No matter how many times I assured myself that nothing seemed wrong, I just kept crawling back into the pit of sadness that I hoped had been long disappeared.

And on top of everything, I was angry at myself for shedding tears just because of something trivial like this.

"Why must I cry?" I sniffled, curling under the duvet, another loner tear dripping and eventually damping my bed sheet.

"Because you have a heart", Daisy answered, scrolling on my phone next to me as she leaned against the headboard of my bed. She was reading all the exchanged messages I had with Kevin with somewhat emotions. "The way he talked, read as 'typed', to you is all sweet. I understand if he'd swayed you".

She tossed my phone onto the nightstand, extending her hand to stroke my hair.

I loved how she would coax me everytime I wasn't myself. She kept saying that 'we're the same Ivy, I know exactly how you feel'.

Though I'd always doubted, strangely it gave me some sort of comfort whenever I talked to her about feelings. Like we were really the puzzle pieces from a same picture.

Maybe those years of friendship had led us here.

Heaving a huge amount of sigh, I slowly got up, mirroring Daisy's pose. By now, my tears had stopped, leaving only dry stain on my cheeks.

Crap. I wasn't really attractive, now it just made me look more uglier.

"I needed a distraction", I admitted, fiddling with my own fingers rested on top of the duvet that was covering my legs. "Kevin had always been the one".

"What?" Daisy pondered, a bit startled by my confession. She let out a sigh as our eyes met, probably just realizing that I again had kept a secret. "Spill".

I shut my eyes closed for a mere one second, already dreaded. I hated it when I should recall all the bitterness of life I'd gone through just to let one or more people understand.

Repeating it inside your brain equals to repeating the torture playing in you again.

"You know after the breakup and the confusing demeanor of my mother I have to deal with everyday, I started to find the light again in my life. Kevin didn't know this, but he'd always here - with me, whenever needed", I looked at Daisy, hoping to see the anger subsided but it way too long to go. "It was hard Dee.. The past few months were hard".