Homeless Vain

19

There were so many things I wanted to retaliate, there were so many dissatisfaction consuming me right now.

Choosing to sit in the living room because I thought I could harvest as many as inspiration to write was already a bad choice. I'd prefer to be locked in my own room instead of having my mother's presence that did nothing but add more misery into my head.

I did think to leave, maybe running back into my room but doing that by all means, she would say that I was being rude.

But honestly she was the one who's being rude right now. Talking or more to assuming something about someone you didn't know well, for me was rude.

"I mean, you two are big grownup human being", she sighed. "Kevin should've been more opened by now. He should've been more honest with his feeling".

Unknowingly, my hand had balled into angry fist, my knuckle had turned white. Biting back something you wish you could say out loud to ease the pain deep in your heart was simply a torment.

Being angry in silent was torturing.

"That's his nature", I gritted my teeth, slowly releasing my fist. "He can talk about it whenever he wants".

Taking a deep breath, my fingers were already hovering the keyboard of my laptop. I truly refused to have a quarrel with her right now, so I pretended to be busy though my head was blank to write any words.

However, she didn't seem to understand me, nor she try to understand as she spoke up her mind, "until when you have to wait for him then?"

Shut up.

Much to my desire to ignore her this time, I couldn't. My movement apparently wasn't controlled by myself. I only realized it when I already glared at her.

"I'd never planned to rush things. So why must you?"

She sighed to my retaliation, "you have to remember, Ivy. Even 1 year can pass by fast. You two are just getting more older by the time".

I snorted - bitterly if you're curious.

This part of my mother was never on my liking - ever. I just didn't understand why must she be this pushy with me? Was it because I was the only child? Because she thought she could arrange everything in my life?

I did want Kevin, I really wanted to feel loved by him. But, did I have a power to make him say yes to everything I wanted?

I really didn't understand her. While I was dating my ex, I vividly remembered she once said, that we were moving too fast, that we were rushing things.

And now, she had turned the table, hadn't she?

"Look at your friends, they are happy with their partners now", she started to ramble.

Do you know the feeling when you feel too desperate to scream, hoping that whatever feelings that make you feel uneasy from inside will be disappeared with the voice you ejected?

Well, I do.

I almost turned crazy just because I had a mountain anger welled up inside me but I had no place to vent it out.

Once again, my brain must have had enough of all this.

My hand spontaneously slammed the laptop closed with quite loud thud, my face was unfazed. However from the corner of my eye, I saw my mother flinched.

As she should.

"I'm going for a brisk walk", grabbing my phone, I rose up on my feet, retying my hair into a messy bun.