Neighbors (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Twenty Seven

Nothing had ever put Spencer in so much pain. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Spiritually. In between beatings he would beg for a break, for his life, for food or water. He'd let Tobias inject him with dilaudid to ease the pain. When he was under, he'd get flashbacks to childhood. To his mom's episodes, sending her away because she was too sick. When he was awake, he was enduring painful torture session. Being berated for sending his mother away. All he could think about between beatings was how he'd chickened out of telling Y/N that he loved her. He had to survive. For Y/N. For his team. For himself.

On the second night of captivity, Spencer's body couldn't handle it. He began to seize. He had visions of a bright light and shadowy figures. Just as soon as it had started, it was over. Tobias had given him CPR. He remembered crying out for help. For Hotch, for his team, for her. Then he was being forced to dig his own grave. He was begging for forgiveness, for freedom, for a break. "Please," he half sobbed, flinching when he was snapped at to keep digging. That's where the team found him, digging his grave. He'd never been more glad to have told someone a bible verse.

Hotch pulled him up, concern written all over his face as he hugged his fellow agent. He cried, glad the torture was over. Gideon started to pull him along with the team, but he stopped him. "Can I have a moment to myself?" Gideon nodded. "Take all the time you need, kid." Spencer waited till he was out of everyone's range of sight, then bent down, searching for the vials. Wrong as he knew it was, he needed the dilaudid.

Spencer didn't sleep on the flight home. He couldn't. He couldn't close his eyes without being back on that chair in the dark. Instead, he went through his phone. Looking at pictures of Y/N and him. She had no idea what happened to him. How was he going to explain the cuts and bruises? Morgan saw the look on his face and moved to sit next to him. "You okay?" Spencer sighed. "I'm going to have to tell Y/N eventually," he whispered, snapping his phone shut. Morgan looked away. "She already knows. Tobias texted her while you were under. She's-"

"She knows and nobody thought to tell me?" He felt betrayed. This was a huge thing for her to find out. How had she reacted? Was she okay? Did she know he was safe? "Reid. Reid, listen. She's okay. I promise. Hotch sent Alex to take care of her. She's safe, Reid." No. No, why did she have to find out? What was texted to her? How could he possibly promise that Y/N was safe when he knew nothing about her, about her past? What if she had slipped into an episode and gotten hurt? What if-

The entire team was surrounding him, telling him to breathe. To put his head between his knees, to focus on the sounds of their voices. "Morgan, what did you say to him?" Hotch demanded. "I- he asked about Y/N. I told him she was safe. He started hyperventilating. What's going on?" Gideon answered calmly. "He's having a panic attack. Everyone, back away from him." Once everyone had sat back down, Gideon was sitting next to him, telling him to breathe with him. Eventually, Spencer calmed down, teas running down his cheeks. "Gideon, the team doesn't know her like I do. She has a history of mental health issues. She might have-" He was cut off. "You can call her when we land. But you need to stay calm." He nodded.

As soon as the jet landed, Hotch made a phone call that ended with pulling Reid aside. "Y/N is in the hospital. Nothing serious, just a panic attack that was too much for her. She's okay. Alex is on the way to pick you up so you can see her. He told me she's sleeping." Spencer tried to ignore the burning feeling in the back of his throat that meant more tears as he nodded. "Reid. Do you want someone to go with you?"

"No. Thank you. I think... I think I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow, Hotch."

Spencer was quiet the entire ride to the hospital.