Neighbors (Spencer Reid x Reader)

Thirty Four

You were anxious when you knocked on his door. What if he didn't answer? What if he was currently using whatever drug he was on? You had no idea what it was. What if it made him- "Y/N." Spencer's voice was soft and shaky. He looked surprised to see you, yet his body language suggested he had been hoping to see you. "Can I come in?" Your voice was as soft as his. "Of- of course. I'm sorry about the mess." To your surprise, the apartment that you once loved for its serenity was now in shambles. Books and papers were all over the place. "Spencer..."

"I got rid of the Dilaudid. It's what I was using. I uh-I dumped it all down the sink." You looked up at his face and noticed that his cheeks were wet. He'd been crying. "I'm glad you're trying," you told him as you sat on the couch. "You should sit. We need to talk. Or... I need to say things and you need to listen." He nodded and sat a respectful distance away.

Seeing him in such distress pained you. Yes, you knew it was mostly the drugs and not your fault. But seeing him with his shirt hardly buttoned wearing his tie around his shoulders, clothes wrinkly and hair untamed, you couldn't help but wonder if this was caused by you leaving. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry I abandoned you." He shook his head. "This isn't your fault-"

"I'm not done yet. I'm sorry I abandoned you. I know it's not my fault, but I could have helped you more if I had stayed. It was unfair of me to make you choose between me and the Dilaudid. I've seen what addiction can do to people and I know I could have changed the outcome if I hadn't abandoned you. I love you, I'll always love you, but this has given me trust issues. I want to believe you when you say you dumped the Dilaudid, but part of me doesn't think you're telling the truth. Addicts can and will lie if it means they can keep getting their fix." Spencer nodded. "Are you hiding any more?" You asked gently. "No. I got rid of all of it, I swear. You have full permission to check my entire apartment."

"I'll probably take your word on that." He gave a small nod. "You understand that as much as I love you, we can't get back together until you're fully sober?" Spencer exhaled. "Yes." His voice was small. He was anxious, you could tell. "Hey." You took his hand in yours. "I'm not going anywhere this time. I'm proud of you for starting to get clean. You can do it, Spence."

A tear rolled down his cheek. Both of you knew this was easier said than done. "I hope you're right, Y/N."