Smoke Signals

2 ⚠️

⚠️ SELF HARM ⚠️

It had been a little over two weeks since I first met JJ and I had been talking to her almost everyday. Whenever I talked to her was the best part of my day. She had given me her phone number and I hadn't called her yet, but we had texted a few times.

I was so caught up in thinking about JJ that I ran into Morgan. "Hey." I was about to walk past him but he grabbed my shoulders and moved me so I was in front of him. "What's bothering you?" He looked genuinely concerned.

"Help me."

"With what?"

"JJ. Fuck. She's so pretty and her voice is like...it's so soothing. And whenever she smiles I just feel like everything's going to be alright, you know?" He smiled.

"Blair, you are down bad."

"Really? You don't say." I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up." He playfully slapped my arm and I laughed.

"Hey guys." JJ said walking up to us.

"Hey." I replied quickly. She looked at Morgan with a clenched jaw. Morgan looked between us.

"Should I...leave you two alone?" He asked. JJ nodded and my heart did a little jump.

"You ok?" I asked, taking a sip of my coffee and giving her a concerned look. She looked a bit stressed.

"Yeah, I need your help with something."

"Ok. What is it?" She bit her lip and looked down at the ground. "JJ you're scaring me what is it?" I put my coffee down on the nearest desk and took a step closer to her.

"I can't find my necklace. I know it's in my office somewhere but I can't find it."

"Ok, well let's look."

"Thank you. Thank you so much." She looked a bit confused, like she expected me to say more. I didn't ask any questions though. I didn't think it was dumb that she was so worked up over a necklace. I was a profiler. I could tell it had a lot of sentimental value to her and I wanted to help her find it. She looked really stressed and it hurt seeing her like that. I had never felt like that about anyone. Sure, it hurt me to see other people in pain but it felt a lot worse. Like I wanted to help in anyway I could.

I looked under her couch with my phone flashlight and under the bookshelf. I looked through all of her drawers and then under everything on her desk. She watched me while biting her thumbnail. "It's going to be ok, I'll find it, I promise." I gave her an assuring nod and then walked back over to the couch, looking between all of the cushions. I saw part of a silver chain peeking out of the crevice between the back of the couch and the bottom. I grabbed it and slowly pulled it towards me. It was a necklace. "I found it." I turned around with a smile on my face.

"Thank you!" She rushed towards me and grabbed the necklace out of my hand before throwing her arms around me. It felt...nice. I put my arms around her and decided that I wasn't going to be the first one to pull away like normal. "I thought I had lost it."

"Well...luckily you had me to save the day."

"Thank you." She held on tight, not letting go.

"Are you ok?" I asked her. She didn't answer. "JJ?" My chest tightened a little bit. She didn't pull away from the hug.

"I'm ok." She pulled away after 30 more seconds. My eyes traveled across her whole face, trying to read her. "It was my sisters." She explained. I nodded, knowing where she was going with this. "You already know don't you?"

"Kind of my job to know." I said, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

"I know."

"I know that's sort of the standard thing to say when someone tells you someone died...but it doesn't really help." I shook my head.

"No. It doesn't." I agreed.

"So, you know?"

"What?"

"You know what it's like to lose someone close to you?"

"I uh...I have to go." I brushed past her and walked out of her office.

"Blair!" She called after me but I pretended not to hear her. I walked back down to my desk and put on my headphones. She walked up next to me and I felt my throat close up a bit as tears tried to come out. "Did I say something?" She asked.

"You said a lot of things." She smiled awkwardly.

"You left kind of abruptly, I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you."

"No, nothing offended me." I assured her, not wanting her to feel bad about it. Her shoulders dropped as she relaxed a bit. "I have to get some work done, ok?" She nodded and waited a second before going back up to her office. I avoided her the rest of the day, not wanting to let something slip.

When I got home I stood in front of the mirror, taking off my clothes and staring at my stomach. There were long scars just above my belly button from where I had cut myself many times. I traced my finger along them softly and took a deep breath, feeling my stomach cave in as I inhaled. "It's ok." I whispered to myself. I shut my eyes and put my palm on my lower stomach. I had never felt comfortable enough with anyone to open up to them until today. It was scary. It felt like I might surrender a part of myself to someone, and it was terrifying.

But it was going to be ok. It had to be.