Smoke Signals

3

JJ sat down next to me in the conference room. We were currently in Boston on a case. Her first case, she was actually really chill about it which I admired. She was wearing the necklace that I found and I smiled to myself, looking down at my files. We were technically on break right now so we didn't have to be doing anything.

She was sitting right next to me and we weren't even talking to each other. I had only known her for a month but I could sit in a room with her in silence and feel completely relaxed and comfortable with her. My smile grew bigger as I thought more and more about JJ and how much I appreciated everything about her. "Thank you for not asking me about my eye." I said suddenly, turning to her. She just shrugged. "It's usually the first thing people ask or notice when they see me. So...thank you."

"I figured that if you wanted to talk about it then you would." I nodded and furrowed my brows a bit, confused. "What?"

"No one's ever respected my privacy like that before." She smiled. "Thank you."

"Of course."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You're just...I don't know forget that I said that."

"No, what do you mean by that?" She looked a bit concerned. I opened my mouth a bit to say something but shut it. "You're absolutely deserving of being treated with respect and kindness." She said, leaning forward a bit so she was closer to me. "Blair I need you to know that you're listening to me." She said once I turned away from her.

"I'm listening."

"I don't really know what you're thinking right now...but I have a pretty good feeling that it's something along the lines of you thinking that you're not good enough or that you're not deserving of being treated right. Am I right about that?" I shrugged. "Blair, am I right about that?" I gave her a hesitant nod. "Well I want you to know that that's bullshit. You hear me?" I clenched my jaw. "Blair do you hear me?"

"Yes I hear you." I whispered.

"Good." She leaned back in her chair. I put my head in my hands, trying to take deep breaths so it didn't look like I was trying not to cry. I didn't cry. I haven't cried in 15 years. I heard her chair move closer to mine and then a hand put gently on my upper back.

"I'm not crying." I told her, lifting my head up out of my hands. "I don't need comfort." I pulled my sleeves down so they were completely covering my wrists and she looked down at my hands.

"Ok." She nodded.

"But um...a hug would be nice." She smiled and stood up. I stood up too and she pulled me into her arms. It was weird but I felt every muscle in my body relax. It was like her embrace was sending a signal to my brain that I was safe.

"Penelope told me you don't let people hug you very often."

"Well...you're not like everyone else." My brain was screaming at me to let go of the hug. It had lasted to the point where your brain starts releasing the chemicals that make you trust and love the person you're hugging more. That was scary. I didn't want that to happen. But my heart was screaming for me to stay. She just wanted to help, and what was a little hug? It couldn't hurt anyone.

When I didn't let go for a couple minutes she started rubbing my back. This wasn't as long as the hug we had had in her office two weeks prior but it was getting close. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah. Sorry." I pulled away. Her hands trailed from my back to my arms to my hands before falling back down to her sides.

"You can talk to me if you need to." No one has ever said that to me before. "I take pride in my ability to listen."

"Thank you." Was all I could say.

"Of course."

"I um...work." I sat back down in my chair and opened the file in front of me.

"Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"Please take me up on that offer, ok?" She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "Talk to me. I'm always here."

"I will. Thank you." I smiled and she smiled back warmly. It took everything in me not to reach for her hand or lean in for a kiss, two things I desperately wanted to do.

"Do you need some coffee?" She asked.

"No. I'm great. Do you need some?"

"No. I'm feeling pretty great too."