Smoke Signals

13

⚠️ PANIC ATTACK⚠️

A couple days later I was back at work and avoiding JJ the best I could. I didn't really care of I got too attached until now. I didn't want to fall in love with her. Because if I did I knew she wouldn't feel the same way. It wasn't possible for someone to fall in love with me.

I stared out the jet window, my hands in my lap as I played with my fingers. "Hey." I heard JJ's soft voice as she sat in the seat across from me. I gave her a small smile then looked back out the window. "How are you feeling? I feel like I haven't seen you this whole case." She laughed softly but sounded a bit sad.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Can you look at me?" I turned to look at her but couldn't look her in the eye. "Did...did I do something?" She asked.

"No."

"Did someone do something?" I shook my head. "Did...did you do something?"

"No."

"Then babe, please tell me what's been going on."

"What do you mean?"

"You've been acting distant...and I...I'm scared I did something to mess this up." She said, gesturing between us.

"You didn't mess it up." I assured her.

"Then what's happening?" Tears stung in my eyes and my leg started bouncing. She walked over to my side and put her hand on my leg. "It's ok to cry." She said softly. I just shook my head. "I'm right here."

"I know." My breaths became shallow and she rubbed my thigh after she realized what was happening.

"Hey, hey angel, look at me." I turned to her and clenched my hands into fists. "Can you take some deep breaths with me?" She asked, taking my hand and placing it on her chest.

"I-I don't know." I wiped my other hand on my pant leg, trying to get the sweat off of it.

"Hey, it's ok. It's ok beautiful, I'm right here." I whined and pulled my knees up to my chest. "Shh, it's ok. I'm right here." She put her hand on my back and rubbed it up and down, kissing my temple as I tried to steady my breathing. "You got it sweetheart, deep breaths. You're doing so good. I got you. You're safe right here with me, I promise." She kissed my temple again.

Once I calmed down she put her arm around me. "It's ok, I love you, I'm right here." I tensed up and looked up at her. Her eyes widened but she stood her ground.

"You love me?"

"Y-yeah." She looked a bit embarrassed but the love showed through in her eyes. "I understand if you don't say it back-"

"I love you." I whispered. I hadn't said that to anyone in 15 years...but it felt so right. I wanted to kiss her so bad but someone could see, we didn't want people to know. "I love you." I said again to make sure she heard me. She tucked my hair behind my ear and smiled, kissing my forehead.

"I love you."

JJ invited me over to her house for the night and she was showering, so I made myself comfortable in her bed. She loves me. I played the moment over and over in my head. She loves me. "Hey." I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard JJ's voice.

"Hey." Her hair was wet and she was so beautiful.

"You alright? You look a little lost."

"Hug?" I asked, sitting up. She smiled and walked over to me, sitting down in front of me and pulling me onto her lap. She put her arms around me and I nuzzled my face into her neck. "Are you getting hungry?" She asked while rubbing my back.

"A bit."

"Wanna order in?" I nodded. "Pizza? Burgers? Noodles? What do you want angel?"

"I want a burrito."

"Ok. I can order that." She tried to pull away to get her phone but I held her close. "Sweetheart I need to get my phone." She said while laughing.

"Five minutes." She kissed my cheek and I blushed.

"Are you going to blush every time I kiss your cheek?"

"I can't help it." She laughed. "I'm cold."

"You want one of my hoodies don't you?" I nodded and she pulled away. I whined a tente loss of contact but smiled as she got a hoodie from her closet and pulled it over my head. She ordered our food before sitting down next to me. "I'm going to get you a surprise burrito."

"Is it spicy?"

"You'll have to find out." She put her phone down and smiled.

"I'm scared."

"Don't be." She put her arm around me and I snuggled into her side.

"The burritos going to be spicy isn't it."

"Yeah."

"Fuck you."

"Hey, such strong language." She scolded. I clutched her shirt and closed my eyes. "Nap time?" I nodded. "Get some rest angel. I love you." I smiled. I knew I would never get tired of hearing her say that.

"I love you."