Smoke Signals

27

⚠️ PANIC ATTACK ⚠️

JJ and I were cuddled up on the couch watching a movie. My nightmare having only been this morning. I had been attached to her all day long though, needing the sense of comfort that only she could give me. I thought it was a bit embarrassing how clingy I was being, needing to either be holding her hand, in her embrace or cuddling her in order to feel alright, but she thought it was cute.

Once the movie ended I turned around in JJ's arms, not being able to meet her eyes. "Are you ok?" She asked softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead, I shrugged. "I'm going to order some food, alright?"

"I'm not hungry." She sighed.

"Babe you need to eat." I buried my head in her chest and waited for her to finish ordering the food.

She leaned over to put her phone on the coffee table and then went back to holding me. "Angel...I'm really sorry but I have to get up to do some work. It was part of Hotch and my's agreement that if I were to also take time off then I would need to work from home." I kept holding onto her, pretending to be asleep. "I know you're not asleep honey."

"Don't go."

"I'm gonna be back soon."

"But then we can't cuddle." She sighed.

"I'm sorry honey-"

"But I need you." I whispered, tightening my arms around her. "Jayje I...I can't be alone right now." She kissed the top of my head. I was still scared out of my mind and I was tired but was too scared that if I were to fall asleep I would have the same dream.

My heart pounded against my chest as my breathing started to pick up, recalling my
dream. JJ noticed and held me closer. "I'm right here. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, you're safe." She whispered, kissing the top of my head. I shook my head and my hands and lips started to tremble. "Angel?"

"It's happening again." She pulled the covers up over us as I silent sobbed into her chest, my whole body shaking with anxiety.

"It's ok my love. You're safe. You're safe. No one's going to hurt you. I'm not letting that happen." She promised. "Shh baby, it's ok." She put her arm around my waist and one hand on the back of my head, holding me against her protectively, knowing I needed to feel protected right now. "No one's going to hurt you, ok? I got you. I'm never going to let that happen again."

My body stopped shaking but my breathing was still labored. I clutched the front of JJ's shirt and tried to relax my muscles. "I...I don't know why I'm still so scared."

"It's ok honey, don't feel bad about it."

"I just...I really can't be alone right not Jayje...please don't go. I need you."

"I'm not going." She promised. "Darling I'm staying right here with you, I'm not going anywhere." My body relaxed and I tangled our legs together. "It's ok." She whispered so softly it was like she was talking to a child. "There's no need to be scared my love. I'm right here."

"Thank you."

"Anytime baby."

It was nighttime again and JJ was getting out of the shower. She saw me on the bed and smiled. She dried her hair a bit more before lying down next to me. I cuddled up against her and brought my head to rest on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. She played with my hair and kissed the top of my head. "Don't be scared to sleep love, when you wake up, I'll be right here."

"I love you." I whispered, putting my arm around her waist and holding her tightly against me. I seriously didn't know what I would do without her.

"I love you too. Don't ever forget that."