Smoke Signals

31 ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER AND SUICIDAL IDEATION ⚠️

"Where the hell would the unsub even run from here?" I asked, keeping my gun pointed at the ground.

"I don't know." JJ sighed.

"I saw something." I whispered, turning around.

"Let me do the chasing love, ok?"

"Why?"

"Because...because I'm faster than you." I turned and glared at her.

"If you two are going to be bickering like this I'm going to do the chasing." Morgan said.

I saw the door barge open beside me and a man run out of it. I started sprinting towards the door and almost fell down. Morgan was gaining behind me and after only 15 seconds of sprinting I was starting to get tired. "JJ go around the back!" Morgan called out.

I stopped running and leaned against the wall of the closest building. "Reid go around the back!" JJ called out, putting her arm around my waist to support me. "Woah there honey. Take it easy." She said, I was lightheaded and couldn't stand on my legs.

She slowly lowered me to the ground and I leaned against her. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"I'm lightheaded, dizzy, my legs won't work."

"Have you drank any water?" I nodded and took a deep breath. "Have you eaten anything?" I shook my head. "Honey, we talked about this. You can't be out in the field like that when you haven't eaten, it's not healthy for your body."

"So I'm just not supposed to be out on the field?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"I'm fine." I tried to stand up but my body felt weak and I collapsed back down.

"You're not fine." She said sternly. "I asked you a million times if you had eaten the past two days to make sure it would be safe for you to go out on the field and you're lying to me."

"I didn't want to be cooped up in that stupid room with Spence the whole day while doing a geographical profile. That's boring. There should be balance. I wanted to be out on the field. There were no rules against it, I just knew you wouldn't let me so yes, I lied."

"Sweetheart, that's not safe."

"I'm sorry. It just gets suffocating sometimes. I understand that you care about me and want me to be healthy...but it's so damn frustrating when you care about me more than I do because I want to do these things that make me happy and keep me motivated and you keep me from doing it. I keep telling myself it's because you want to keep me safe and I know that's true but this is my job Jayje. You can't keep me from doing my job."

"What if someone shot you?" She asked.

"What?"

"What if you passed out because you hadn't eaten and the unsub shot you and you died."

"That didn't happen."

"It very well could." There were tears stinging in her eyes. "There are reasons we don't go out onto the field when we aren't physically well. You could get seriously hurt. You could die."

"But I didn't."

"But you could!" She exclaimed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She said once she raised her voice.

"It's fine...I need water."

"You need food." I sighed and she helped me up, dragging me to the police station for lunch.

We got back to the hotel room and I flopped down onto the bed. "Move you're taking up the whole bed." She said. I moved and she flopped down next to me and immediately put her arms around me, pulling me into her. "I never said I didn't want to cuddle." She showered me with kisses until I was laughing so hard it was hard to breathe. She finally kissed me on the lips
and then I rested my head on her chest.

She opened her mouth to say something but I already knew what she was going to say. "I'm fine. There's nothing we need to talk about." I could practically hear her heart sink when I said those words.

"I don't want to lose you." She whispered. I lifted my head up and saw tears stinging in her eyes.

"Hey, you won't lose me." I whispered back, kissing her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere."

"But Rosalyn...and you said that killing yourself could be an option for you, Blair I don't want to lose you." There were tears rolling down her cheeks now and my chest tightened once I realized how hopeless she must feel. "Do you know how many times I've come home, scared to find you dead? When I don't wake up with you in my arms every morning I get terrified." Her voice broke. "I can't lose you Blair-"

"You won't." I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her forehead. "You won't lose me. I'm not going anywhere." I kissed her nose and then her lips. "I'm staying." I kissed her jaw and then her neck, finally burying my face into her neck.

"You better not."