Smoke Signals

46

I woke up with JJ's arms around me, her hand under my shirt and rubbing it slowly. I felt perfectly happy. She kissed my forehead and I smiled, tilting my head up to look at her with tired eyes. "Morning." She said in a raspy voice.

"Morning." I replied, kissing her lips once and then hiding my face in her chest.

"How are you feeling angel?"

"Happy." I said truthfully. I put my leg over her waist and pulled her even closer to me, needing to be as close as possible to her. I love her. I love her so much.

"You're so pretty." She whispered. I blushed and kissed her chest. "I want to hold you forever."

"That sounds really nice."

"Then let's do it." I smiled widely.

"I'm...I'm not anxious right now. I'm...actually ok. I'm thinking about everything right now...it's not making me sad or angry or guilty. I actually feel ok, for the first time in a long time." I gushed, pulling away slightly so I could see her beaming face. "That's good, right? Doesn't mean I'm numb or anything?"

"No, it's really good sweetheart." She assured me, cupping my face in her hands. She caressed my cheek and kissed my nose. "That's really good." She looked into my eyes with nothing but love and adoration. "I know I've said this before...but I'm really proud of you." I smiled.

"It feels really nice to hear someone say that." She pecked my lips, my nose and then my forehead.

"I love you." She whispered. "I love you so much...I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." I couldn't help but smile. "You make me the happiest woman on the planet, everything you do...everything you say makes me love you even more. When I don't think it's possible to love you even more...I do, I wake up and I love you more than I did yesterday and to some it might seem overwhelming but it's not. It's not overwhelming because it's you. I want you for the rest of my life. I love you, I love you, I love you." She kissed my lips and I felt my whole face heat up in a blush.

"I love you-"

"I wanna talk honey, you're not very good with words." I couldn't help but laugh, it was true. "All I ever want is for you to be happy...when I first met you..."

"I was a mess." I finished her sentence and she laughed while nodding.

"But now...you're not having panic attacks on a regular basis, you're not hurting yourself, you're eating, you're not lying about how you feel, you're being honest, you seem happy. You are happy and I want you to know that I love you. I will love you through everything. I will be here for you through everything. I promise, I'm never leaving." She kissed my nose again and then pulled me into her. "I'm staying with you. I love you so much, I'm so proud of you, you've come so far."

"Thank you." A tear slid down my cheek, my heart warming from her words. "That's...that's really nice to hear. You don't know how much I needed to hear that.l

"I will always love you." I kissed her chest and rubbed her back.

"Always?"

"Always."