Smoke Signals

41 ⚠️

⚠️ EATING DISORDER ⚠️

I woke up at 3 in the morning, an uncomfortable feeling of anxiety washing over me. I tapped JJ's shoulder, she had turned away from me in her sleep. When she didn't wake up I shook her awake. "Hey." I whispered.

"Hey." She turned over to face me and opened her eyes tiredly. "You alright?"

"I don't feel good."

"Sick?" I shook my head. "Anxious?" I nodded. "Come here." She put her arms around me and pulled me into her. "Anything you wanna talk about?" I shrugged and tangled my legs with hers, wanting to be as close to her as possible. "Wanna watch a movie?" I nodded. "Which one?" She reached for the remote and I adjusted myself so I could see the tv.

"Barbie."

"Good choice. Want me to get some snacks?" I shrugged and she turned her head to look at me. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday."

"Yesterday as in 3 hours ago yesterday or the day before that yesterday?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it does honey." She rubbed my arm up and down.

"The day before that yesterday."

"Ok, I'm going to get some food." She tried to get off the bed but I held her close to me. "Come on angel."

"I don't wanna be alone."

"You can come with me to the kitchen."

"Too much work." She sighed.

"Well I'm not letting you not eat. I'm going to go get some food and I'll be back in a few minutes, ok?" I nodded and reluctantly pulled away from the cuddles. She kissed my forehead and left.

She came back with a bowl of popcorn, some sandwiches, and some candy and chips. "You got the junkiest food ever." She ignored me and dumped chips on a plate along with some candy and popcorn, handing it to me. "JJ...you know I'm not going to be able to eat all of that."

"Just try." She pulled a bottled water from what seemed like nowhere and handed it to me. The sandwich was a BLT. I took a small bite out of it as she started the movie. I tucked myself back under her arm and got comfortable again as I ate slowly.

By the time I had eaten half of my sandwich she was finished with everything on her plate. "You can have mine." I offered softly, waiting for her reaction.

"No darling, it's ok." She kissed my forehead. "I'm ok." I nodded and looked back down at my food. I ate some of the popcorn as she glanced to me every couple minutes, occasionally telling me how much she loved me.

"Ok, now seriously I can't eat anymore." I told her once I finished all the popcorn and three quarters of my sandwich. She took my plate and put it on the nightstand before wrapping her arms around me. I buried my face in her neck and she rubbed my back. "Jayje."

"Hm?" She paused the movie, sensing that I either wanted to sleep or have a heavy conversation.

"Am I...am I disappointing you in any way?" I whispered.

"No babe, why would you think that?"

"I just...I feel like I could be doing a lot better than I am but I don't have it in me to fight that hard. I'm sorry if you're frustrated with me or anything, because I am trying."

"It's ok honey. Things like this take time." She assured me, kissing my temple. "I do want you to get better though, ok? It's not healthy to feel the way you're feeling the rest of your life. But I'm not frustrated or disappointed, I promise." I nodded. "Angel?"

"Hm?"

"Can you look at me?" I hesitantly lifted my head from her neck to look into her eyes. She picked her head up to kiss my forehead. "I'm never going to get mad at you for being in pain. Please remember that, ok?" I nodded and dropped my forehead against hers, kissing her sweetly. She smiled into the kiss and tucked my hair behind my ear when I pulled away. I blushed at the gesture and buried my face into her neck again, feeling sleepy. She rubbed my back slowly, coaxing me into falling asleep. "I love you angel."

"I love you."