Midnights Like This

Part 1, 8. The Great War

     I said I'd promise to always be yours, all throughout the great war. The war being how greatly we were prosecuted for loving each other, you still felt the desire to betray me, and for some reason; I still love you to this day and I hope you know I think about you every midnight, Roy. Our story resumes after you got moved to the barracks across the campus because of what you allegedly did to Charlie. We still managed to hang out almost every day and it was good until about two weeks later when you slowly stopped talking to me. Was I too clingy? Was I simply too much to handle? The fire that was my soul burned exponentially brighter and fiercer after I realized that rumors had been going around that I liked you. Even after how close we were, I was still too scared to admit it. I asked you if you heard about the rumors and you laughed and said that you believed them! I didn't know what to do so I ran. I had gone through so much for you, I even asked my drill instructor to have you protected after what Omari told me when you were on vacation. I cried that night, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out if you liked me back.

     I met you after your 6th period geometry class the next day. I apologized for running away and you forgave me, but you said it was incredibly awkward that I had a crush on you and that he needed some space. He said we'd both be better off If we didn't talk. You don't know how much you hurt me that day, every single day all I thought about was you and for you to just throw me away like a used tissue shattered my soul into ashes, like a fire in the sky that burns out and rains ashes onto the earth. You broke me, only for a short time though, because a few days after you broke my heart; Justice sat next to me in algebra class and from there, he broke my soul...

     While I was in a relationship with Justice, a very toxic one at that, you came to the boy scouts meeting and asked me out. I was still in love with you but I was also tolerating Justice and while this may sound strange, I loved him before I realized he was abusing me. You wanted to see me on the upcoming Saturday, March 25, but your drill instructor was going on a fishing field trip on that day and I needed to get my fishing badge for boy scouts. Little did I know, he brought his entire barracks, including you, and the only people that were not part of your barracks that went along were me and Trevor. We got back from the fishing trip late so I had to return to my barracks, but the next day around 3 in the afternoon I came to your room. We watched Netflix together for most of the day, and it was fun. The only problem was that Justice found out that I was with you and that I was, well uh, let's say unfaithful... Although Justice was always abusive, this is the one part I left out; Justice threatened to tell everyone about me and you unless I paid him 20 dollars and I wasn't about to be bribed, especially about you. I was dangerously in love with you so much so to the point where I snapped and told the Principal about how he had been abusing me, so I could have a reason to move to your barracks. Maybe you can better understand why I was feeling like an anti-hero, huh.

     You knew I would literally fight a war for you, I mean, I did, right? When I moved to your barracks you disregarded my existence, as if the day we shared together about a week ago never happened. It broke me all over again, but then we got back again, then broke up, then back, then broke. It was an annoying cycle of betrayal and us. Like a hamster on a wheel, running for so long only to get nowhere, an aimless lifestyle with nothing to gain except scars and stress cramps. I fought the war though, you know I did, and I would always be yours, through all of the wars I was in. I still love you and I don't know why, and I know that I would definitely fight the great war for us all over again, even on exhausting, teary-eyed midnights like this.