Some people wonder why I always wear the same black jacket, whether it is hot or cold, I always wear it. The truth is, I wear it because I'm scared, I have anxiety and when I am not wearing the jacket I become afraid and very paranoid of people making fun of me. Taking it off gives me a sense of higher awareness in a way that makes me paranoid and afraid, so I don't take it off. Ever. I am genuinely scared of other people but I don't like to show it, but the influence that this jacket has over me gives me a somewhat confidence and the ability to function properly. I don't want anyone to ever make me take it off, for I will feel exposed and afraid.
I wear it as my scary mask when I'm afraid I don't belong. You cannot read my brain until it's off, It's not coming off; it'll never come off. I'm never going to take it off so don't touch me, you'll never take it off so don't touch me. If you try to take it off I will punch you in the face over and over and over again. NO ONE WILL EVER TAKE IT OFF!!! I'm alright, don't worry about me because I'm alright, but you won't be seeing me tonight. I spell out M-A-S-K and wonder If I am okay, I don't know, I don't think so, I don't plan on finding out. I wasn't me when they took it off but I'm not scared now, I have it back on, and I really don't care, because they got what was coming for them. I don't want you to look at me when I take it off, you heard me. I SAID DON'T LOOK AT ME! Please, please, please just look away because now I'm never going to take it off, so don't touch me, don't touch me ever again because you'll never see me take it off.
Sometimes I feel like I am the ugliest person in the world, and no one even has to tell me, my own insecurity just screams it throughout my consciousness. Sometimes I wish I could just wash my mouth out with soap, with bleach, with concrete, anything to decay my tongue and wither up my teeth. I don't wanna say the wrong thing and I just might, but the poetry I see on the screen could start a fight. I lied to myself in front of everyone but only in spite, in spite of the rumors I unknowingly abided by. I just wanted to cry, they wanted to lie, they would always try to try, but surprisingly and sometimes sadly I cannot die. I've been training for murder, the assassination of your big egos. Call it what you want but you know I crush you like a fly, and you like my boots don't you? I could squash you like a little rotten fruit. It sure is something I'd never do, but one can only dream, right? And I could only dream of removing this jacket and feeling safe for once, but you can always trust that I'm never taking off this scary mask on highly threatening, just plain scary midnights like this.
YOU ARE READING
Midnights Like This
RomanceOur minds work differently at midnight, sometimes we think about what could be, tomorrow. Sometimes we think about what could've been, ages ago. Sometimes we think about what we could do to change to next day, and sometimes there's just no going bac...
