Midnights Like This

Part 3, 23. The Attic

     It was like the kind of anger that you would only leave in the attic, a place where no one goes, but I guess I unintentionally broke it out of you. It was when we were taking a break from working on your farm and we were back home, it was late. You found a particular text between me and my best friend at the time, Mia, and I was apparently "making fun of God" because she asked me my favorite Bible verse and I said the one that was anti-gay. You asked me why I didn't want to seek help for my disease and what I said next apparently shocked you. I said that I was seeking help but I didn't want your help to do so. You went crazy and you turned into some sort of monster that's hard to describe. That's when it happened, it all happened so fast, but I remember the moment in which it happened, it felt like eternity of pain. 

     You got your feet on the ground but your head was up the stairs, you were spiraling down so much, yet you were still up in the air. It was fine in the basement and on the first and second floor. My knees weren't shaking but you made my head feel worse than before, was it worse than before? Worse than all of the other times you lost control on me? I don't think I can stand it; there's panic in the attic. I thought you wouldn't hurt me again, not yet. Could you make your moral paradigm shift, just once, for me? I was your kid and you still hurt me like you did. Can there be another way? Another way to handle it? Is it too soon to say? Can it be just what it is? Why couldn't you handle all of it?

     You rushed at me, punched me in the stomach 4 times before throwing me on the ground, near the edge of the stairs. You kept choking and strangling me and smashing my head on the wall and throwing me around on the floor. You kept punching me over, and over, and over again before you then put your knees on both sides of my head and started to crush my head between them like a trash compactor. There were 3 bumps on my head, many bruises all over my back and the rest of my body, and a broken braces bracket. Afterward you got me a pack of ice and told me to go to bed. You told me that If I told anyone about what happened that night, you would show those text messages between me and my friends and exes to everyone I know. I was stuck, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't let him get away with literally abusing a child, especially his own. It's when I'm in mental and emotional pain, when I think of the mental, emotional, and physical pain that you caused me, that reminds me what should've stayed in the attic that midnight, on midnights like this one.