Midnights Like This

Part 4, 35. Shapes

     I had a feeling all of you guys were hiding your true selves, and I knew that I had to be perfect If I were to be the only one in which you guys would be admitting it to. The only problem is, since freshman year I became ugly, I mean, that must be why no guys are asking me out, right? They always said that personality is the thing that lured people in, a beautiful personality is what makes someone a keeper. The guy who had an amazing blush and such a humorous personality, I thought maybe he liked me, but he was just nice, same name but I guess that doesn't mean anything; I mean if you call him by my name or something else, it will change what it becomes, but sometimes it's harder to change what it becomes if someone is too stubborn and stuck in their own opinions and preferences. I just want to know what I can do to make everything better, to let all of you guys know that I don't mind being a rebound, a second choice, so If you wanna call me up I'll be here waiting, but I am still stuck on the thought that my looks are the problem.

     Should I fix my shape? Do I really look that bad? Am I really that ugly that you can't even talk to me? Well here I am trying to change up the shapes, deficit of nutrition and energy in an attempt to burn the lipids already engraved in my flesh and fats within my body. Don't look at me if it's not with interest, I'm too fragile, I'm too vulnerable... This summer was already torture enough, watching everyone else happy while the summer was just oh, so cruel, on me. I want auroras and sad prose to represent what I am feeling for all of you guys who should want more, who should get bored more easily, who should give something different a chance. Don't worry all you guys, I'm changing the shapes, I'm just a work in progress, I'm changing them alright, but no one noticed... I'm already crushed by my many broken dreams, I'm not immune to you guys, I mean I'm only human. It's not my fault I get drooling obsessed so easily, it's just hormones and a glimpse of possible love, a flicker between fear and a vision of forever. Back to the guy I've been set on for quite some time now, I see now that you are taken, and I respect that, so I guess this is when I give up. Oh well, I guess being obsessed was only fun while it lasted, but I would never pursue a guy that's already in a relationship, especially with someone I respect.

     I still believe that I have chances with many guys here, maybe even a girl? But It's getting late and I think that I'm just whining about my despair and desperateness because of the full moon, and yes I know the full moon was a few days ago, but it isn't too late to become affected and become a lunatic. Some would say I'm always this crazy, and I would usually agree, but I know that I am always calm when I'm with someone, but I most likely won't see that side of myself again for a very, very long time. I just hope they know I'm still an option and that I'm still changing the shapes on such desperate midnights like this one.