Midnights Like This

Part 1, 9. Would've, Could've, Should've

     If only you had never looked my way, I never would've gone crazy so soon. You were a great friend at first, Omari, but you really put me in Roy's shoes when you told me you liked me, but I was too obsessed with him at the time so I rejected you. I remember when Roy left for a weekend to go on a ski trip with his family and you were mad with how obsessed I was with him, because you had loved me for quite some time. You threatened me and said that If I didn't date you then you would hurt Roy. I went insane and out of fear for his life I told the drill instructors what you wanted to do and they punished you, but I was still scared. I just hope you know that If you had never threatened me, I maybe would've considered giving you a chance.

You didn't know that I was the one that snitched on you for making the threat about Roy, so you were still nice to me and well, you were joking... So I guess I'm sorry for not reading the sarcasm, although most people don't "jokingly threaten to hurt others" but okay... You said that I was turning into a bad person because I was so obsessed with Roy that I disregarded everyone else, and you were probably right. When you told me that though, I took it offensively resulting in me becoming more wrathful, it was like you were sharpening the claws of a lion, it cleans their nails for them but it also arms them to rip your face apart like the way my kindness was ripped away from me because of how focused I was in my scheming to get with Roy. You should have helped more to get me to stop being so clingy, but instead of being a good friend you just let me get corrupt and then blamed me for it. I really wish I could've stopped, but love is one of the strongest drugs.

     After everything you did and "joked" about I kind of wish we were still friends because you were good emotional support. Everything was good until the falling out between me and Justice, you were one of the people who made me into a villain in your eyes. You said I deserved to die all because I exposed your popular friend, given it was partially for my scheme to get with Roy, he got what was coming for him because no one deserves to be treated like the way he treated me, Brody, and God knows who else. Considering you were friends with him and you make jokes about hurting people, maybe I should've taken your threat against Roy more seriously. Would've, could've, should've... you were surely a crisis of my faith; always making my life into a roller coaster of emotions and regret. You might be surprised that I still think about you sometimes, because I am. Because of you and what you put me through I often think about what I would've done again, what I could've chosen to do, and who I should've been with, late at night on midnights like this one.