Midnights Like This

Part 4, 33. Pocket

     It was the first week of school and at the end I became friends with this girl named Mary. She was a very nice person, but I might have ruined it. I know I usually blame myself for most things anyways, but this was her fault too, she held too much of a grudge. She was so awesome while it lasted though, she introduced me to another amazing person named Mickey. Now Mickey was one of the weird ones, but in the best way, like me, but likable somehow... From there I met this person named Nico, who also seemed awesome at first, but nothing is as it seems, especially at this deceiving high school. I didn't know if it was something I said, or because of poems that had nonexistent tea to spill, but you all fell under the influence that told you that you needed to ruin me. I shouldn't have trusted you anyways, kindness is an acquired taste, one that you didn't quite understand, tolerance is another one.

     I folded myself so small, to fit into your pocket. You all just carried me around and took me out when you wanted me. You all breathed me in like I was some kind of substance, you're all goddamn users, smoking me for the high but not expecting the side effects of long term. I made exceptions to who I was to fit in, I mean, I forgot who I was and you still treated me like shit. I ruined all my plans because of you guys, I forgot how to stand because I stood for you. My internal dialogue always made me so hesitant, you said if I trusted you then I would jump when you did. You all kept a score while I was out here keeping secrets and promises, you probably thought you were gods, or some kind of prophets. In the end you still tried to hunt down the small amount of dignity and will to live I had left. Hurting me should have been sacrilege, I thought we could all trust each other, but that never stopped you all in the end. If you screw with the world, it'll screw you back. Remember that next time you find another "me" to pull the perfect crime on.

     Who I'm really disappointed in was Mickey, who was my favorite. We could've been something, but you and your friends needed to stir the pot. I'm disappointed in Nico not because they were my favorite, but because they wanted attention so badly that they figured that spreading rumors would make them cool. Well, Nico always likes to talk about how "cool" they are anyways, and how I'm not. Kind of cringe, but what else can you expect from, well, a child at that... Sure, hate me because I'm beautiful and smart and just oh so much better than you, well dumbass I don't even like you either. It all worked out in the end didn't it? It's funny how you still rummage around in your pocket, looking for me on midnights like this.