Midnights Like This

Part 1, 3. Anti-Hero

     You sat next to me in Algebra class after you saw me and I was heartbroken by Roy. That's when you told me that you "liked" me, wish I could go back and tell myself how it all unfolded... I might have gone too far, but then again I am far too forgiving as opposed to normal people that hold grudges in response to betrayal and assault. In your case, Justice, it was both; and as much as you try to deny it, we both know what happened that night... It was cruel, it was unexpected, and I didn't know you would do such an inhumane thing. Like a construction worker, you would just go through your toolbox looking for the right tools to build your castle that is your ego and image. You picked me up out of the toolbox, like a tool, because that's all I was to you. I know I should be mad that I was just used as a method of solidifying the egotistical wall you were building, but I hope I was your favorite tool. I will not hesitate to say that I loved you, you said you loved me too, but I guess you only loved the way I functioned to build your empire of heartbreak and popularity.

     That night still haunts me as much as I still try to hide it, you don't know how you changed me forever. I was only your first victim before you realized you could take advantage of others. I was like a flower; majestic and hypnotizing, delicate but deep rooted, the homework you needed help with was surely not traditional seeing as you lured me in and locked your door like a botanist taking a flower out of its pot. You took my perfectly good flower and attempted to crush it, if only you didn't hear the footsteps down the hallway I would have been reduced to just a bunch of ripped and wrinkled petals on the ground. You threatened me, said, "Don't say a word or I will shank you." and I didn't say anything for a week until you tried to crush the flower in the pot next to me, my best friend.

     Even after replaying this night in my mind again, I still do not know whether or not I should have forgiven you. Did I go too far when me and my friend, Brody, went to the Principal to tell him what you did to us? I guess I'll never know. The victims hurt by your selfish and disgusting acts of torture, both emotionally and physically, saw me as a hero for setting us free from your oppression and standing up to you. Although the problem with you popular kids is you get away with everything, while most half saw me as a savior, the other half who idolized you as an ideal person to look up to, saw me as a villain. They called me a liar and threatened me through means of letters and knives in the corridor in front of my dorm. Hero, villain, hero, villain... That's all that went around about me for the next few months, but I am neither. Maybe standing up was too far, but you were out of control and hurt so many people, so yes, I am neither, I am simply an anti-hero. The way you changed me forever is something I still think about time and time again; feeling like an anti-hero on those retrospective, heartbreaking midnights like this one.