Midnights Like This

Part 1, 4. Snow On The Beach

     Snow on the beach, that's what we were, I had a feeling we wouldn't be compatible and you might think it's because we should've stayed just friends. I guess I can agree, but you weren't a good friend either, Todd, you were selfish and just so, so narcissistic. I'm glad I finally escaped the void I was stuck in, the hardships that you unnecessarily put me through... You know I was in a vulnerable state and you took advantage, you knew what I had gone through with Justice and you took my reputation and shattered it further than the dust in which its state had already been, reduced to a mere gas, and just like that my reputation lingered in the air like carbon monoxide; sneaking up out of nowhere and slowly kills everyone around it including myself. I shouldn't have tried to fall in love again so quickly to forget about what I had already been through... Charlie's betrayal, Roy's infidelity, and Justice, well, we don't talk about what he did.

     I had just moved to your barracks where Roy was relocated to earlier in the year, across campus, because of all the threats I received at my old barracks because of the whole "snitching on Justice" situation. You must remember it all too well considering when you first met me you wanted to play on my gaming laptop. In retrospect I wonder how I could have been so naive, how did I not notice that you were using me from the start? "I never trust a narcissist, but they love me." is a quote by Taylor Swift herself that I would always say, but I always ended up trusting you people, I guess I need to practice what I preach. So I let you borrow my laptop and you pretended to be my friend; you were so nice like a true best friend, a loyal guard dog, but on the inside you were a conniving wolf planning its next victim to pounce, and when I asked for it back you decided to ask me out on a date knowing how vulnerable and broken I was. As stupid as you seemed, you were a mastermind for all the wrong reasons, you had planned out our whole relationship... It all felt so real, almost as if you were a drug that ended badly, a psychedelic mushroom of heartbreak, yes, that's exactly what you were. But don't worry, you've always known how mindlessly forgiving I've always been, which I guess is another problem, so I forgive you. It sure is easier to forgive you knowing how karma comes around to get you.

     One thing you didn't think through was that when I finally demanded my laptop back, you literally told the Principal that I did to you what Justice did to me. I guess that's why you pretended to be in a relationship with me, so you could fall back on that lie in the end, spoil alert; it didn't work. Although similar to Justice's situation, the masses believed you instead of me, they actually thought that I would do to someone else what I was a victim of. But this is why I knew our compatibility was as strange as snow on the beach; it just wasn't meant to be, it wasn't real. The sad difference between you and Charlie is that at one point he actually loved me which wasn't that case for you; a husk, a soulless package of flesh, blood and bones mashed together as dead weight. The sad similarity though, is that I was so naive that both of your loves were a hoax I believed in. Sometimes I try to convince myself that maybe you were a good person and maybe some of it was real, and sometimes late at night as I'm drifting off into a state of slumber, I see you standing underneath the snow that falls on the beach waiting for me. Like the snow falling past you and onto the sand beneath your feet, the thought of what we had being real is majestic, weird, somewhat scary, and all around unlikely. The heartbreak I felt from loving you was like drowning in water 3 feet deep, such an underwhelming death yet so painful, and sometimes I swear I can still feel your presence and forged love like a tidal wave, in the cold, coastal air, on midnights like this.