Midnights Like This

Part 3, 29. What It Becomes

     Take all my rage and stuff it down... Call it by its name or something else, and it'll change what it becomes. I hype myself up to leave the house, because I really don't wanna see what's out there. You don't wanna see me while I'm screaming in an empty room, so you can't see what I do, you'll never see what I do, when I'm finally screaming in an empty room. You tie yourself up to your friends to make them stuck to your wicked influence, you're gonna be kind to them to show them that you can be cool too, but you aren't. You think you're so deep, I bet they think that too. You don't take into consideration who they might complain to, and whoever takes the time to train you to keep them company, must be a different kind of lonely, for only the soulless and the desperate crave your attention. When they take your advice they end up failing in the end, you take the picture of your effort and you frame it in an attempt to look like you're saving somebody, one day you'll see that you're not funny. I bet you think you're better than someone; it'll never be me. I find a place to be alone, a nice, different place to be with something else, it'll change what it becomes. I always pace around and sit right back down afterwards, because I already know what's out there.

     So many birthday parties that I have to attend, I'm sure you can tell me about that, because you're just so cool huh? I went to a birthday party for a cousin like you, well the cousin was you, and "he" seemed as though he was arrogant and rude. And so he seemed, and so I came to find out. It was one I didn't know. He looked like a frog, and not to make fun of appearances but his insides surely reflected what he looked like, which was surprising because usually the ugly ones are the nice ones, I would know. I go to this birthday party and he doesn't even talk to me. First of all, he should be honored to have me take very valuable time out of my day to go to his older sister's birthday party, who I also didn't even know. At least she said hi, she was kind, he ignored me altogether. Little did I know I would be going to school with this particular cousin, his name is- let's just call him the frog prince, and no, I never said he was ugly, just that I disliked him, and if you dislike someone what better than to call them a frog? All of his friends are so hot and it hurts that I watch them all happy when I wish that maybe they could like me back, just one of them, just one time, once, one time.

     It's fine, at the birthday party I quickly became acquainted with the older teen girls who were friends with the birthday girl, Payton, the older cousin. The Frog Prince and his Homophobic Tadpole Jesters were all staring at me as I was singing karaoke with my new friends, and as I passed them by later that night, one of them called me a "faggot" under their breath. They were obviously jealous of my majestic singing voice, so they tried to change what it becomes. I finally left because why deal with a bunch of soon to be freshmen who were insecure about their own sexuality, thereby taking it out on me. The rest of the night was pretty boring, it was just these attention craving freshmen children of the corn who thought they could call people derogatory terms just because they don't have the talent to sing a simple song like "Whenever, Wherever." One of the boys there was the older brother of one of The Frog Princes friends and Oh. My. God. Hot. I never got his name but I see him walk through the hallways and I wonder about him sometimes, because, damn...

     I still missed Mia, and Oskaryna, I mean I needed someone to call during that horrible experience where I was left alone to die around a bunch of horrible children I didn't even know. If I saw someone sitting alone at my birthday party, I would hang out with that person the most! I just can't get over how rude and disrespectful and impolite that is to the point where I am literally having an outburst right now just thinking about it. I wanted to say thank you, thank you Mr. Froggy dude for making me NOT interested in being friends with you. It's just so interesting how making so many friends can cover up your rudeness and selfishness, almost as if that could change what it becomes, and I still think about what it becomes, on lonely midnights like this.