i wanted you, only

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I wanted you to see what I felt for you
through my glistening eyes that are a window to my soul.
I wanted you to see my heart irrespective of how badly I speak to you sometimes.
I wanted you to see how much love I had within me,
love that I myself didn't know I was capable of giving.
And I wanted to give all of that only to one person- you.
I wanted you to know that I didn't have much to offer.
But I did have an honest, kind and caring heart,
an old and weary soul,
and a mind that was a total disaster before it knew your name.
I wanted you to see how much your presence affected me,
how I smile like a love-sick puppy when you're around.
I wanted you to see that I wasn't like the others,
that I would never just leave you hanging there by yourself.
I just wanted you.

I gave everything that my heart was capable of giving, only to you.
But you broke it into a million pieces,
and you took some of them with you too.
I thought you could handle me, my emotions,
my mood swings, and the mess that I am.
But you left.
I thought you could put my pieces back,
but you just broke me more.

I thought you could read the sadness in my eyes,
in the way I walked and in the way I talked.
Just the way I can see yours.
But you never saw mine.
Perhaps I was fluent in the language of your soul,
but you were never fluent in mine.
I always got excited when I knew something about you beforehand,
I wanted you to spit out facts about me too,
but you never did,
even though I had told you so much about myself.
I wanted you to be honest about your feelings to me,
I wanted you to say things to me that you would never tell anyone,
I wanted you to see how much I loved you
irrespective of how much you hated yourself.

But you know, I waited.
I waited each day, everytime you wore red,
everytime we passed by in the hallways,
I thought you would tell me today.
But you never did.
And even after all that you've done,
My silly heart wants only you.

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