Weasley Twins - A Fate You Can't Escape

Chapter 100 - The Burden of Birthdays

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicidal Thoughts/Actions, mentions of sexual assault

Early October brings a day that I normally don't make much of a fuss about.  Usually Mia gives me a small gift, I get a letter from my mother.  But this year is even less.  Estranged from my mother, and a traitor to my best friend, my birthday means nothing to anyone. 

I had hoped that this year I would get to spend the day with my boyfriend.  Maybe we would go on a date, share some kisses. 

Does Fred even know when my birthday is?  I'm not sure he does.

I wander the halls of the school.  This used to be the time I would sit in the Dark Arts class, but I can't bring myself to face the man.  Every time I see him around, I want to set my skin on fire to cleanse myself of his touch.  I think Snape notices that I have distanced myself a bit.  I haven't been making cheeky comments while we work in his office, opting for silence instead.  He doesn't mention it, just watches me a bit more closely now.

I sit against the wall outside of the Great Hall.  I am exhausted.  I haven't been sleeping well, plagued by nightmares of his face looming over me.

I hate that he has reduced me to this.  I hate that he has this power over me, all the time. I can't escape it. It feels like I'm in my own little hell, all the time.

I close my eyes, trying to get a few minutes of sleep in before lunch starts. Maybe if I just sleep for a few minutes, it won't be long enough for me to enter REM sleep.

It feels like I've only been out for a minute when the sound of students approaching awakens me. I crack open my eyes, the fatigue somehow worse than before I closed them.

I don't bother to stand, just staying slumped against the wall as they pass. No one spares me a glance as they pass.

After the majority of students are seated, I decide to head in myself. I haven't eaten at the table in days. I suppose it's time for me to make an appearance. I slink up to the front table, collapsing in the seat beside the headmaster.

"Hello, Darling." He greets me, but I don't answer. I just stare at my plate. A few minutes pass and I hear the scrape of a chair as he sits down. I feel his eyes on me, and it gets harder to breathe. I hear him chuckle under his breath, and I feel the blood drain from my face.

His smell fills my nostrils as he leans in, whispering in my ear.

"It was so easy to break you. Such a shame it wasn't even worth it. You weren't worth the struggle." He pulls away, leaving me to process his words.

***

I clutch a bottle in my hand as I wander down the halls. A little present I took for myself from Snape's stores. Curfew was an hour ago, and I have the castle to myself. I sit in one of the windows that overlooks the little courtyard, watching the wind blow the leaves as I drink my stolen fire whiskey.

My birthday had never been a big thing to celebrate for me, but I am twenty today.  I wish I could spend it with Fred.  I want to spend all of my birthdays with him.  Every single one for the rest of my life.

I drink more of the burning liquid, hoping that if I drink enough, the ache of loneliness would be dulled.  But alas, no matter how much I drink, the ache persists.  Stupid feelings.  Stupid war.  Stupid everything that is keeping me apart from the man I love.

Merlin, I love him.

I let my head fall back against the stone wall behind me, letting out a bitter laugh.  I pour the rest of the fire whiskey in my mouth, sighing when the last few drops are gone.