Game Over: Life's Over

That Sounds... Awful

When we got back to the house, Theo followed me up to my room with all the stuff he had bought at the store. He set the large box of diapers in the hallway and used a pocket knife to cut it open. I figured he wanted to do it away from me so he wouldn't hurt me or accidentally let me hurt myself by getting the knife.

He fit only a handful of the diapers under the changing table before he had to put more in the top drawer of my dresser. I wasn't sure where he would put the rest but that wasn't my problem to figure out.

I tossed the bunny rabbit on my bed and sat down beside it. I watched Theo as he put everything away in my room. I hated that half of it was a room for an infant and half for a teenager. It felt like I was sharing a room with a baby yet I knew I was that baby. I may not have looked like it yet but I was getting there.

Theo set the pacifiers on the top of the dresser and I watched him attach a clip to one of them. He wasn't going to make me use one, was he?

"I hope you know I don't need those. I don't know why Dr. Simmons thinks I need them."

"You've been going through a lot lately. She just wants to help you."

"Help would be finding a cure for me."

Theo walked over and sat down beside me. He grabbed the bunny and set it in his lap. "I hope they find one, too. You deserve a chance to live your life and be happy."

I nodded. I didn't feel like I was asking for much.

"Would you want to go to the park for a little while? Maybe that girl will be there again."

"How do you know about her?"

He smiled. "I saw you two talking the last time we were there."

"You were watching me?"

"Well, yeah. I have to keep an eye on you wherever we are."

I shook my head. So much for having some privacy. "How am I ever supposed to have a girlfriend?"

"We're no different than parents who hover."

"My mom never hovered. She was hardly ever home. I could've had a party and torn the place up and she never would have noticed."

"How come you never took advantage of that?"

I shrugged. "I wasn't the type to do wild stuff. I was a pretty straight-laced kid."

"Your mom was lucky to have a good kid like you."

"I can't promise I'll stay that way."

"No drugs or alcohol but we'll try to be pretty flexible with everything else."

I nodded.

"Why don't we get ready and go? Maybe that girl will be there."

I rolled my eyes. I was going to have to do better at keeping secrets from him. It was clear he lived to embarrass me.

---

Soleil was already at the park when we got there. I was surprised to see her, honestly. She was swinging on the swingset as Theo and I walked from the car. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail that swayed as she moved and she wore a soft purple dress with tan boots. She had a baseball hat on that covered her eyes.

I walked over to her as Theo sat down on one of the benches. I sat down on the swing beside her.

"How come you haven't texted me back?" She kept swinging as she talked to me.

I watched her as she moved backward and forward. She pushed her legs so hard it was like she was trying to reach the sun. "I haven't been on my phone much."

She didn't say anything for a minute and I wasn't sure where the conversation would go. I didn't know her well enough to know how she handled rejection or whatever she thought me not texting her back was.

Then, she spoke. "Do your caregivers take it from you?"

I shook my head. "I don't really do much on it so they don't have any reason to. Plus, it's how I stay in touch with my mom."

She looked over at me then. "My parents set up a specific time where we can video chat. They wanted me to have structure in my life. They don't want me to have my phone but I still use it anyway."

"Your caregiver hasn't noticed?" I glanced in Carrie's direction. She was reading an actual book this time.

Soleil shook her head and her ponytail moved, too. "I don't think she cares that much. She only follows the schedule my parents made up for me because she has to. She doesn't really care what I do during the free time I have in my schedule."

"How bad is this schedule you have? Is it like the same every day?"

"For the most part. My parents wanted me to be involved with others like us so that's why I come to the park and go to playgroup. They even put a snack time into my schedule."

"Wow. Why didn't they try to be your caregivers?"

"They like bossing people around. It's easier for them to tell Carrie what to do than it is to take care of me."

"Really?"

"They looked up everything about the mutation when I was first diagnosed and they read a bunch of stuff about how my emotions would change and how I'd regress. I think it scared them a bit. It's easy taking care of a baby when they're only ten pounds but not so much when they're a hundred."

She had a good point. It was hard trying to take care of an overly emotional teenager. Theo and Eric had signed up for a lot. They said they knew what they were getting themselves into when they decided to be caregivers but I was sure I was bound to surprise them. My condition was so chaotic and unpredictable.

"Do they visit you often?"

"They come almost every weekend. Sometimes, I go to their house and spend a day with them."

"That's nice that they're able to come see you that often."

She rolled her eyes. "It's annoying. I wish they would give me some space."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I want a chance to be independent and be on my own. I know I live with Carrie and she takes care of me but it feels like I have my own space with her. With my parents, they're breathing down my back the whole time I'm there. I don't have any privacy."

"That sounds..."

"Yeah. Awful. How are things with your caregivers?"

I stared down at my feet. "I don't mind being with them. I just..."

"Just what?" She stopped swinging and let the momentum slow her down and bring her to a level closer to mine.

"This mutation is just so... hard to deal with sometimes."

She nodded. "Some days, I'm grateful that things aren't any worse because I've heard some horror stories. But other days I feel like it can't get any worse. You know?"

I nodded. "I felt that way a lot when I first turned eighteen. I kept feeling like I was going to wake up a totally different person."

At this point, Soleil was at my level and looking at me past the plastic-covered chains that held the swings in place. "You can tell me if I'm prying but... have you had to deal with any changes?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer her. It was such a personal question that felt like a secret I shouldn't tell. But I also knew that she was going through the same things I was and she was probably the best person to talk about them with.

I was about to say something when Carrie started calling for her. Thank goodness.

Soleil glanced in Carrie's direction before she turned back to me and rolled her eyes. "Sorry, I have to go. Text me sometime. We don't have to just talk here at the park."

I nodded. "Okay. I'll try my best."

She smiled and then headed off toward Carrie. Carrie looked over Soleil's shoulder at me before the two started walking. I had a feeling she was saying something about me.