Game Over: Life's Over

Twenty Stuffed Animals

Soleil disappeared into the tunnel and told me to come find her. She was comfortable being around other people like us but it was new to me. I had never met or even seen someone else who had the same genetic mutation as I did. I needed some time to adjust.

I glanced around the room as I headed toward the tunnel. Two older men were bouncing on yoga balls. One of them had a pacifier clipped to their shirt. A girl slid down the slide near me and looked up at me as she landed on her butt on the mats under the slide and jungle gym. She giggled before she got to her feet and tried climbing up the slide in the wrong direction. As she made her way up the slide, I noticed she was wearing a diaper under her dress.

Soleil poked her head out from the tunnel she was hiding in. "Are you coming?"

I nodded and got down on my hands and knees to crawl into the tunnel. I followed Soleil until we were in an area that had high ceilings and we could sit up to talk.

"What do you think so far? It's kind of cool, huh?"

"It's different. I haven't been to something like this since I was younger."

"That's probably what they were going for. Younger kids use this room on Mondays and Wednesdays and then it's just for us on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

Of course, it was still meant for younger kids. How was that supposed to make me feel any better? "Oh."

"What, is there something wrong with that? What were you expecting?"

I shrugged. "Not... I don't know. All of this is so new to me. I'm just... not used to any of this."

"It'll grow on you."

"I keep trying to tell myself that but it's weird. I'm not used to seeing grown men playing. It just doesn't seem normal to me."

"We're not normal, Jake. None of us are."

I sighed. It was hard to argue with her when I knew she was right.

"Let me go get Will." I watched her crawl off in a different direction after this kid. I sunk back into the mat wall behind me to try and make myself invisible.

A man who looked about the same age as Theo and Eric crawled past me. He grinned at me and I realized he didn't have teeth. Just drool on his chin. He kept crawling and passed Soleil and a boy who was around our age. The boy had overalls on top of a green t-shirt. His long brown hair was pulled up into a ponytail. He had some facial hair which seemed a bit odd paired with the overalls he wore.

He waved at me as they approached. "Hi."

"Hi," I said timidly.

"Jake, this is Will. Will, this is Jake."

Will nodded and sat across from me. He crossed his legs under him. "Nice to meet you. It's not often we get someone new here."

"Is it obvious that I'm new?"

Soleil giggled. "It is when you keep staring at everyone. You're like a deer in headlights."

"Can you blame me? This is all new to me."

"It's a bit much at first. It can take a while to get used to."

"How long have you been here?"

"I started coming a few years ago. My caregivers wanted to explore the community so I got shoved into everything."

"How old are you?"

"24. I mean... I don't feel 24 but... you know."

I nodded. I was only eighteen and just thrust into this new world yet I understood what he meant. It was hard to feel like an adult when I was stuck wearing diapers and playing with toys. I was hoping those feelings would go away over time as I got used to my new life but I wasn't convinced.

"What's your caregiver like?"

"I have two. Eric and Theo. Theo came with me. He's home during the day to keep an eye on me. Eric works so I only see him in the evenings and on the weekends."

Will raised his eyebrows. "That doesn't sound like a bad arrangement. It's so hard to tell what caregiver you might end up with. Like they can put up a good front during the interviewing process and then turn into an evil dictator once you're living with them."

I nodded. "Yeah, you never know. I talked to a lot of people but my options weren't great. I had to move away from my mom because I couldn't find anyone closer."

"I'm sorry to hear that. My mom and dad are super involved. Not as much as Soleil's but it still feels just as bad. They check in all the time and are always stopping by for visits."

"That doesn't sound so bad though." I wished my mom could come see me more than she was currently able to.

His eyes widened. "Are you kidding? I'm 24 years old. I don't need my parents breathing down my neck all the time."

"Yeah, but... do you still act your age?"

He shrugged. "For the most part. I have my moments just like all of us do."

I didn't feel that way. I still felt like I was in the wrong body, living the wrong life. I was still hoping to wake up from the bad dream it felt like I was having.

"I sleep with like twenty stuffed animals," Soleil said.

"It's gross. You have to fight them just to sit on her bed." Will made a face at that.

I smiled. That definitely seemed like something Soleil would do. I just wondered what else was... different about her.

"Do you want to go play? I don't wanna just sit here the whole time." Soleil said, looking between the two of us.

Will nodded and looked at me. "Yeah, come and play with us. It's fun here."

I sighed. I definitely wasn't going to get the chance to just sit and watch. I felt like I was thrown to the wolves without any way to defend myself. At least I had Soleil and Will to help me get through it.