Game Over: Life's Over

Silent Treatment

I had a lot to adjust to in our short ride from the house to the park. I had to use the booster seat in the car which meant I had to sit in the backseat. The seat was only an extra lift for me. It didn't have a back to it so it wasn't even that noticeable once I was sitting in it. I was also using a binky in the car so I could get used to it. It was hard to keep in my mouth at first because I wasn't used to sucking on it to keep it between my lips. Oddly enough, missing my two upper teeth made it easier to use the binky.

I was surprised and also happy to see that the park was nearly empty. There was only one other kid there and he was throwing a ball to his mother. I didn't really like the thought of playing by myself but it saved me from awkward conversations and pretending I was fine when I wasn't.

Theo brought a book with him this time. He said he knew I'd be fine so he didn't need to stare at me as I played. He trusted me.

I stepped across the plastic barrier and into the mulched playground. Some areas were mulch while others were that weird rubber material. I walked over to the swings and sat down on one of the normal swings. I wasn't ready to try the baby ones just yet.

I didn't feel like we were there long before Soleil and Carrie showed up. Soleil didn't seem to notice I was on the swings. She ran over to the jungle gym and climbed the stairs toward the slides. It was then that she noticed me.

A smile lit up her face and she practically threw herself down the slide. She ran over to me and sat down on the swing beside me, nearly out of breath. "Long time, no see."

I nodded. I was hoping that by using the binky, I wouldn't have to talk much and no one would notice that I was missing any teeth. It wasn't a great plan but I had to try something. I couldn't live with the embarrassment of people knowing I was missing teeth. It was already awful enough not having the teeth to begin with.

"How come you haven't been coming to playgroup and stuff? I didn't scare you off, did I?"

I shook my head.

She looked over at me with furrowed brows. "Why are you giving me the silent treatment?"

"I'm not," I said around the pacifier.

She huffed and got to her feet. "Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me or something?"

I looked up at her and shook my head.

"Why won't you talk to me?"

My plan wasn't going to work. I just wanted things to go my way for once. Just once.

Before I could try to respond in some way, Soleil yanked the binky right from my mouth. She had her index finger looped in the ring so taking it from me was easy.

She laughed and twirled her finger around. "Now, you have to talk to me."

I wasn't sure if it was my pre-existing embarrassment about losing my teeth or the fact that she was putting me on the spot that made me so upset. It didn't matter though because once the tears started to well in my eyes, I couldn't stop them.

I covered my face with my hands. I already hated letting people see me cry.

Soleil's face fell and she walked up to me. "Jake, hey, don't cry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

I couldn't stop crying. My emotions felt like they were all over the place. I wasn't sure how to handle them or move past them. I was overemotional but it wasn't because I wanted to be. My brain was just messed up and I overreacted to things before thinking through whatever was going on. I couldn't control it.

Soleil put her hands over mine and pulled them away from my face. She wasn't being aggressive but she was stronger than me so it didn't take much for her to overpower me. "Jake, talk to me. What's going on?"

"I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Why? Do you have like a third eye or something?"

I tried to talk around my sobs but my words came out a little muffled. "No, it's not that."

"Then what is it? You have to tell me so I can help."

I sighed and lifted my head up. I opened my mouth just enough that she could see that I was missing teeth that I hadn't been when I last saw her.

She was quiet for a few seconds before she handed over the pacifier. "I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to make you upset. If I had known, I wouldn't have..."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. I shouldn't have done that when clearly it's a sore spot for you. I feel like such an idiot." She sat down on the swing again and her shoulders hunched forward.

I looked over at her. "Do you remember what you told me when we first met? You talked about how everything was changing and it made you scared and you weren't yourself anymore. That's... that's how I've been feeling lately. So much has been happening and I'm having a hard time adjusting. I was scared that you wouldn't... I didn't want you to judge me or not want to be my friend anymore."

"Jake, I would never do that. I'm not that type of person. I might make a joke or something but I wouldn't make fun of you."

I sniffled. "You promise?"

She nodded.

I looked to my left as I swayed on the swing and saw Theo watching me. He raised his eyebrows at me, asking a silent question. I nodded to him and he went back to reading once again.