Game Over: Life's Over

While I Still Can

I was still sleeping on the couch when I woke up the next morning. I could hear noises coming from the kitchen and I assumed Theo was making breakfast. That seemed to be his specialty. Aside from brownies, that was.

I rubbed my eyes and started to yawn. The binky Mom had forced me to use fell from my mouth and landed on the couch below me.

I looked down at it and narrowed my eyes. Screw my stupid body for wanting to use it.

It was hard to get the hang of at first. I was sure that if Mom wasn't 'helping' me keep it in, it would have fallen from my mouth. But once my mouth adjusted to it and learned to suck on it, I had no problem keeping it between my lips. It felt weird after a while but my brain had no problem with it.

Stupid baby brain.

I left the binky on the couch with the blankets Mom had used to cover us both up and followed the noises I had been hearing. Theo, Eric, and Mom were standing in the kitchen all talking with one another.

Theo was at the stove flipping what looked like pancakes. At least, it smelled like he was cooking pancakes.

Eric and Mom sat on barstools that faced the stove. Neither of them liked to cook or do much in the kitchen. Thankfully, we had Theo.

"What time is it?" I asked as I entered. I walked over to Mom and leaned against the counter that sat at a level a little higher than my chest.

Mom smiled at me and ran her fingers through my hair. "Hey, sweetie. I figured you could use some rest so I let you sleep in a little. It's about eight-thirty now."

I'd been sleeping for days, it felt like. How could I possibly need any more? "I didn't think I'd be that tired."

"Maybe you just really needed a good sleep."

I nodded. "Breakfast smells good."

"Theo's a good chef. I don't know what we'd do if we didn't have him," Eric said.

Theo laughed. "You'd go hungry and have to scavenge for food."

Eric laughed. "Probably."

Mom got down from her stool. "Let's go get you changed first and then you can have some breakfast."

"I'll have it ready for you when you come back down," Theo said.

I followed Mom out of the kitchen and up to my bedroom. I climbed up onto the changing table and laid down for her.

"How are you feeling?" Mom asked. She unraveled a clean diaper before she slid it under me.

"Okay, I guess. Maybe a little hungry."

"That's good. I really worry about you, sweetie. Theo said you haven't been eating well these past few days."

I shrugged. "I just haven't been hungry."

"I know this is a hard time for you right now. It's okay to be upset or sad but you still have to take care of yourself."

"I know but isn't that Eric and Theo's job?"

She laughed. "They can certainly help but you should be doing this yourself now while..."

"While I still can. I know." I sighed. I hated thinking that my life was going to fall apart at any moment. I just wanted to feel like myself again.

"Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"

"I wish you could be here more."

"I do, too. I wasn't there for you a lot when you were growing up and I'm sorry I wasn't. I don't want to make that same mistake again."

I sat up and adjusted my shorts over the diaper. "It'd be easier if you didn't live so far away from me. Then you could visit all the time."

Mom tossed the dirty diaper into the trash can. "That would be nice."

I got up from the table and went to my dresser. I pulled open the bottom drawer and grabbed a sweatshirt. "How long are you staying this time? Just the weekend?"

"Yeah. I have to go back home Sunday night."

I figured as much. I felt like her visits were always too short and we never got enough time together. But that could've just been because I missed her so much when she wasn't able to be with me.

"Let's go downstairs and get something to eat. We can talk later."