Game Over: Life's Over

Cookies

The week after I got back from Mom's went by slowly. I wasn't sure when I was going to see Mom next. We didn't talk about a specific day or time for me to go with her or for her to come up and visit with Eric and Theo. I wished I knew so I had something to look forward to. Time just seemed to be moving at a snail's pace and while I didn't want to rush summer, I felt like it was kind of boring.

I finally got to see Soleil and Will after a few days of being away. They were both at playgroup so we were able to catch up and I was able to fill them in on how my trip to Mom's went.

As much as I missed being with Mom, things felt comfortable for me at Eric and Theo's. We didn't have a usual routine but my days went by roughly the same. I knew what to expect and didn't have to feel overwhelmed or anxious. It didn't leave for much stimulation but maybe that wasn't so bad.

I woke up that Friday later than what was normal. I never seemed to wake up early but I usually didn't sleep past eight. It was almost nine when I finally got myself out of bed.

I could hear Theo in the kitchen when I walked down the steps. As I entered, I saw him surrounded by baking ingredients and bowls of various sizes. He stood directly in front of a large mixer. I wasn't sure what he was making at first glance.

"What are you making?" I asked. I pulled a chair out from the bar and climbed up into it. The hardest part of shrinking was not being able to do things I used to. Getting into a bar stool-type chair was a lot harder than it used to be.

"Cookies. I have a good recipe and I thought now would be a good time to get it out."

"Is something going on that you're making cookies for?"

He stopped the mixer and turned around to face me. "I just thought it'd be nice to have cookies."

I scrunched my eyebrows together. "Do you just bake when you're bored?"

He smiled. "Yeah, more often than I like to admit. Eric enjoys what I make so I bake a lot. It's the reason he isn't as fit as he could be."

"Do you bake to keep him all... flabby?"

He laughed. "I don't do it intentionally."

I nodded. Sure he didn't.

"Are you hungry?"

"Can I have cookie dough for breakfast?"

He gave me a look. "Nice try but no. You need something healthy."

"You're no fun. I always knew Eric was the fun parent."

"That's why I stay home with you during the day."

I rolled my eyes.

"Why don't you go watch some TV and I'll make you something to eat?"

I got down from my seat at the bar. "I still think you should give me cookie dough for breakfast."

Theo shook his head and walked over to the sink.

I walked out of the room and fell back onto the couch. I turned on the TV and flipped through Netflix until I found something interesting. Unlike my usual choice, I picked something more grown-up. I just got my high school diploma and I needed to figure out what was next for me. I didn't want to just fall into what was easy even though my stupid baby brain wanted me to.

I had no idea what I wanted to do or could do with my life. I had some limitations because of my condition but I wasn't even sure what those were. Some were obvious. I figured I couldn't operate heavy machinery or even drive a vehicle. I wasn't even sure if I could be left alone. If I had to have baby gates to block the steps at home, who knew what barriers I would have to deal with at a job.

That was something I'd need help figuring out and pushing through.

Theo walked in with a bowl of oatmeal in his hands. He set it down on the coffee table. I was able to get a better look at it and saw a handful of chocolate chips covering the top.

"I'll give you a cookie once they're done baking."

"Thanks."

"Do you need your diaper changed?"

I made a face and nodded. I hated that I was getting used to wearing and using diapers. I didn't have much control over when I went which caused me to not notice when I would go. I didn't notice when my diaper needed changed as often as I once had. It embarrassed me to think I was getting used to them but there wasn't much I could do about it. I couldn't reverse my incontinence.

Theo waved for me to follow him as he headed for the stairs. "Come on. It'll give your oatmeal some time to cool."

I muted the show I was watching and followed Theo to the steps. We went to my room and I stepped up the step that helped me get onto my changing table.

"Are you okay to occupy yourself today?" Theo asked. He unfolded a clean diaper before sliding it under my dirty one.

"I always occupy myself. I told you I don't need a babysitter."

Theo shook his head. "Eric and I are just here for your safety. We know you can take care of yourself but we're really just preventing anything bad from happening. Just as a precaution."

"How am I supposed to have a life when you guys are always following me around?"

"It's different than if your life was normal and you didn't have this genetic mutation. But you just have to adjust and make changes. You've made friends, you've gotten your diploma. You're still doing things like normal just with some adjustments to make it all possible."

"It's hard not to feel... like that's not good enough."

"You're allowed to feel that way, Jake. This isn't how you expected life to go. This hasn't been easy for you. It's okay to be upset and angry."

I sighed. I wanted more than anything to be and feel normal. Being around Soleil made me feel a little less weird than I always felt towards myself. I felt like a normal person around her. I didn't want to rely on her to make me feel that way when it wasn't her responsibility but my inner thoughts weren't there yet. I still wasn't past the mental anguish I was swallowed up in.

Theo patted my leg and helped me put my sweatpants back on. "Don't dwell on it. Just think positively. Go back downstairs and watch some TV. I'll get you some cookies when they're done."

I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the table. I pulled the clip that held my binky from my shirt and stuck my binky in my mouth. I walked out of the room and headed back downstairs.