Game Over: Life's Over

How Long?

I didn't want to go to sleep that night knowing something could happen to me come morning. What if I woke up and I wasn't myself?

I also wasn't so sure about sleeping in a new place. I knew I had to get used to sleeping at Eric and Theo's house. It was my house now, too, so I had to get used to staying there all the time. I had to get familiar with my new home.

But at least Mom was there with me. I wasn't sure I could've handled whatever changes might have happened had Mom not been there. She knew the right things to say and the right ways to comfort me. Or, at least, she was working on that.

Our relationship growing up wasn't great. We weren't close with each other and I didn't feel like I could talk to her. I still felt like that. If she wasn't taking steps to mend our relationship, I was sure we would have grown further apart. I wouldn't have her to talk to. She wouldn't be there to comfort me during such a horrible time in my life.

I wanted our relationship to get better. I wanted to be able to go to Mom when things got tough or I was having a hard day. I really worried that being away from her would hinder my chance at a good bond with her.

The sound from the TV helped to drown out the silence in the room. Mom didn't care to watch the shows I liked but she made an exception. I needed the distraction when my mind was racing as badly as it was. I couldn't focus on anything other than the thoughts flooding my brain.

What if I ended up like the people in the articles I read online? What if I woke up and wasn't myself anymore? What if I needed help with everyday tasks? I couldn't imagine waking up and suddenly not knowing how to walk or talk.

It scared me just thinking about it.

At some point throughout the night, I fell asleep while I was watching TV. Mom fell asleep quicker than I did. She was facing the wall, her head resting on her arm. It felt a little weird sleeping in the same bed as her but Eric and Theo didn't have a third room with a bed for her to sleep in. She could have slept on the couch but maybe she sensed my fear and opted to stay with me instead.

I did feel better having her with me, though.

I forgot where I was so when I woke up, I was a bit disoriented. The room wasn't too different from my bedroom back at home but there were obvious differences. The changing table, for one.

The TV was off and the room was silent. I couldn't hear any noise but the house was pretty big so I figured the sound got lost.

I sat up and stared down at my hands. They still looked normal. I kicked back the blankets and stared at my legs. They were still the same, too.

Okay... those were both good signs.

I got up and walked to the bathroom. I turned on the light and stared at myself in the large mirror that hung from the back of the door. Everything about me looked the same as it did the night before. I still had the same thin legs with the same scars over my knees. I was still just as tall as I'd always been, which wasn't very tall.

For now, I was still the same person. But how long would that last?

I brushed my teeth before I walked down the steps, looking for Mom. I stepped over the baby gate, not bothering to open it, and heard Mom's voice in the kitchen.

"It's always a long process but we never want to make the wrong decision."

"I couldn't imagine having that much weight on my shoulders. You could ruin someone's life," Eric said.

"At that point, they've already ruined it for themselves."

I walked into the kitchen and saw Mom sitting at the counter on one of the stools. She was drinking coffee from a decorative mug. Eric and Theo were moving around the kitchen and I noticed steam coming from the stove.

Mom smiled at me as I sat down beside her. "Hey, sweetie. Happy birthday."

I sighed. It wasn't a happy birthday. Maybe I should have been more grateful that I wasn't a baby but knowing it could still happen didn't leave me real hopeful.

She put her hand on my back and rubbed it up and down. "Theo's making breakfast if you're hungry."

Theo turned to face us. "I'm making eggs and bacon now but I can make something else if you want."

"No, that's fine."

"How do you like your eggs?"

"Over-easy's fine."

He nodded and turned back to the stove.

"Is there anything you want to do today?" Eric asked.

I crossed my arms on the countertop and put my head on my arms. "I don't know. I didn't really plan anything out."

Back when Alex and I were still friends, we had made plans to hang out all day and play video games or go to the mall or something. Then his Mom was going to make dinner for me. It was hard to believe that things were so different from what I expected them to be.

"That's okay. We can still do something. You only turn eighteen once."

I shrugged. Turning eighteen seemed like more of a curse than a blessing. What was the point of celebrating it if I was dreading my birthday leading up to it?

"You can do some shopping in Carson City if you'd like."

Mom smiled. "That would be fun. It would be a nice way to see the city. What do you think?"

I knew they wanted to make my birthday fun since I had been expecting such a horrible one. None of them wanted to see me unhappy. So I couldn't exactly tell Mom no.

"Sure."

"Great. We'll leave after breakfast."