Game Over: Life's Over

Bunny Rabbit

I tossed the pacifier and stuffed duck into the cup holder between Theo and me. I wasn't interested in using either of them. It was demeaning and embarrassing. Teenagers and young adults didn't use pacifiers or sleep with stuffed animals.

Theo pulled out from the parking lot and headed toward the highway. Traffic was busy as it was nearly lunchtime.

He turned the volume of the radio down and looked in my direction. "I talked with Dr. Simmons about what she'd like us to do next. She told me she wants you to use stuffed animals and pacifiers to relieve all the stress you've been dealing with. I think it's worth trying."

"I already told her I don't want to. Do you know how embarrassing it is?"

"Jacob, I really think it can help you. Dr. Simmons has a lot of experience with this so knows what she's talking about."

"It sounds like she's really good at torturing children."

Theo shook his head. "Don't think like that."

I stared out the window to my right. Cars were slowly passing us as we moved slowly through traffic. It seemed like the traffic was forcing me to talk to Theo. Perfect. Just what I wanted.

"Look, I know you're not going to like it but Dr. Simmons wanted Eric and I to reinforce our safety measures at home. She believes that the changes you've experienced may cause mental changes."

"So I'm going to start acting like a baby now? That's just great."

"She never said that and neither did I. She just thinks that we should take precautions just in case. Your condition is so random and unpredictable. She just wants us to be prepared for anything."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "What kind of changes do you have to make?"

"Nothing more than just making sure we're using the locks on the cabinets and drawers and that we have the baby gates in place."

"Well, that's..."

"That's something positive. We know this is overwhelming to you, especially when it happens all at once. We'll take things day by day for now and we'll get through it."

I wasn't totally convinced that things would be fine. Every day, it felt like something new was changing within me. It wasn't even that easy getting through the current day so it made me hate thinking about the day after that. It was hard going to bed when I didn't know what state I was going to be in when I woke up the next day.

I rested my head against the door and watched the cars beside us as we both worked our way through the mid-day traffic.

—

Theo pulled into a parking spot fairly close to one of the entrances. Like always, the parking lot was crowded, with lots of cars taking up spots and driving through the rows.

I got out of the car and stuck my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants. It was almost June and it was already starting to get hot. I had no idea what Eric and Theo typically did in the summer. I didn't know if maybe they would plan something for us to do. I didn't want to waste my summer yet I also wasn't sure what I could do or what it would even look like for me.

There were so many unknowns in my life.

The store was air-conditioned when we stepped inside. Bright fluorescent lights lit up the aisles in front of us. People pushed around carts full of food, toys, and clothing.

Somewhere not far from us, I could hear a little kid crying.

Theo grabbed a cart and I let him lead the way. I wasn't sure what we needed to get.

Theo headed toward the back of the store, near the frozen food section. It wasn't until we hit the baby section that I realized why we were heading in that direction. He turned down an aisle with diapers and wipes and I felt my face heat up. I didn't really know anyone in Carson City but that still didn't make me feel any better about buying diapers. Everyone was going to know they were for me.

He grabbed a large box and set it down in the cart. They were similar to the ones I was wearing except the size was smaller. Had I really shrunk that much?

Theo grabbed a large pack of wipes and tossed it into the cart. "Do you want to look at anything while we're here?"

I glanced ahead of us as a woman pushing a cart walked past us. I couldn't think of anything I needed so I shook my head.

"Dr. Simmons said she'd like you to start using stuffed animals. Do you want to look for another one while we're here?"

The thought of looking for another stuffed animal when I didn't even want the one she had given me made my stomach turn. "No, thanks."

"Are you sure? Maybe picking out one you'd like would help you want to use it more."

I rolled my eyes. It didn't matter what it was. A stuffed animal was still a stuffed animal and I didn't want to use them. "No. I'm good."

Theo sighed and I wondered if I was starting to make him mad with how defensive I was being. But it wasn't my fault when my odds were heavily stacked against me. "Jake, I know you don't like the thought of it but you can't ignore the changes you've already been through. I really think trying out Dr. Simmons's suggestions will help you."

"You can push it all you want but it's not going to change my mind."

"You're so stubborn."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

He started pushing the cart again and turned down the aisle to our left. On half the wall to our right was a collection of various animals to choose from. The ones on the top two shelves were larger than the rest of the shelves. Some were rounder than others but they were still stuffed animals, nonetheless.

I glared at Theo as we walked down the aisle. He did that on purpose.

He turned away from the stuffed animals as if didn't intend on going down the aisle with them. I followed his gaze and saw him looking at pacifiers. He grabbed a two-pack that stated it was for adults and put it into the cart.

Trying my best not to let my anger get the best of me, I turned and stared at the stuffed animals. I recognized the duck Dr. Simmons had given me on the shelf. Compared to the rest of the collection, the duck was fairly small in size. On a shelf above it sat a bunny rabbit. It was dark brown and had a round belly. Its ears were floppy and reached the bunny's shoulders. I found myself staring at it more than the others.

Everyone wanted me to have a stuffed animal. It was either the bunny or the stupid duck that I wasn't very fond of. I knew I'd have to give in at some point.

Gingerly, I grabbed the bunny. I held it like I was afraid to hurt it, like it was mine already and I was rescuing it from the store and bringing it back home with me where it belonged. I set it in the cart with the rest of the items and refused to make eye contact with Theo the rest of the time we were in the store.

---

Are you surprised I had Jacob pick out a bunny? Haha I'm not.