Game Over: Life's Over

Peer Pressure

I was looking forward to visiting Mom. It was weird going home after getting so used to living with Eric and Theo. Nothing at home had changed except for some additions to keep me safe yet it all felt foreign to me. It wasn't what I was used to anymore.

But Mom really tried to make me feel comfortable. I knew she wanted me to enjoy being with her. The last thing she wanted was for me to feel like I couldn't go home again.

I tossed my clothes into my duffle bag, not even bothering to fold them. I wasn't a tidy person before my diagnosis so I wasn't going to pretend to be after it. If anything, I had an excuse to be messier.

All my stuffed animals were sitting on one of the shelves on the wall. I wanted them as far away from me as I could make them. I knew Mom and everyone else wanted me to use them but I just couldn't let myself do it. Or rather... I just didn't want to.

Not even Soleil could convince me to like them.

I zipped up my suitcase and put the strap on my right shoulder. My binky rolled into the space where the suitcase had been, in the dip in the mattress. I grabbed it and stuck it in my sweatshirt pocket.

Eric appeared in my doorway and glanced around the room before his eyes settled on me. "Do you need help carrying your bag down?"

I shook my head.

He glanced to his right where the stuffed animals sat. "You don't want to take one of these with you? You could take the one Soleil got you."

My face scrunched in disgust. "Why are you guys forcing me to use them?"

"We're not forcing you, Jake. We just think they might help you."

I gave him a cold look. "This is pretty close to forcing."

"It's... like peer pressure. We're not forcing you but we're hoping that if we bring it up enough, you'll start using them."

"It's not going to happen. I'm not a baby."

Eric lifted up his hands in surrender. "We're not saying that you are. We just think they can help you."

I rolled my eyes. "That's what you said about using a binky. I didn't get a choice there. So why should I believe that you wouldn't do the same thing again?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry, Jake. We really do want to help you. That's the only reason we're doing all of this."

"Can we just go?" I was tired of talking. All it was was just an ambush. Any time the stuffed animals got brought up, it was just everyone telling me I needed to use them and me saying I didn't want to. No one was listening to me.

Eric stepped aside and let me leave my room. It was hard to argue with me when I got in my moods. I wasn't interested in listening and resolving the conflict. I needed time to cool off before I could listen.

I carried my bag down the steps, ready to get away for a few days. I was ready to get away from the stress Eric and Theo were putting me under.

—

Mom was in a better mood than I'd seen her in a while and it put me in a better mood, too. I was really looking forward to seeing her and having time alone with her. After how pushy Eric and Theo were being, I needed a break.

I followed Mom into the house and shut the door behind me. She set her purse on the small table by the front door and turned to me.

"What do you want for dinner?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. What are you in the mood for?"

She put her index finger up to her chin and tapped on it as she thought about what we should have. "We did Chinese take-out the last time. What do you think about pizza and wings?"

I raised my eyebrows. Mom rarely ever got pizza. She'd let me get some but she never ate any. I figured it didn't bode well for her diet. "Mom, are you feeling ok? This doesn't sound like you."

She smiled. "I don't know what you mean."

"Be serious, Mom. You never eat pizza."

"What are you getting at? I can live a little."

"I'm not saying you can't. I'm just saying you don't."

She waved me off. "People can change."

I walked past her and into the living room. I sat down on the couch and patted the spot beside me for Mom to sit beside me. "What made you change your mind?"

She exhaled. "I think everything going on with you has been the catalyst for me to make changes with myself. I've been trying to take a step back from working all the time to focus on myself and doing things that make me happy."

"Work doesn't make you happy?"

"There are better things in my life that can make me happy. Like you. Building our relationship to what it should have been when you were younger is something I'm really putting my focus on these days."

"You know... it would be better if you lived closer."

Mom rubbed my opposite shoulder. "I know, sweetheart. You know I would if I could."

I rested my head on Mom's shoulder. "Do you have any plans for us for this weekend?"

"We could drive around and look at the trees. The leaves are turning colors and right now is the best time to see them."

"Okay."

"It's nice getting to spend time with you like this."

"Do I have to sit in the back?"

"You can't sit in your car seat up front. That wouldn't be safe."

"I don't have to use it then. I can just sit up front like normal."

"Jake." Mom pulled back so she could look at me, letting me know she was being serious.

"I never get to be normal anymore."

"Of course you do. You can help me clean up in the kitchen before we get dinner. That'll make you feel normal."

I groaned. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything after all.