Game Over: Life's Over

No Turning Back

Mom was gone when I woke up the next morning. My TV was turned off and it was quiet in my room.

I rolled onto my back and reached for my phone on the bedside table where I set it to charge. When my hand never found it, I sat up and looked to see that it wasn't there. Looking around the room, I realized that it was on the floor near the door. I was surprised mom didn't notice it on her way out.

Forcing myself out of bed, I walked over and picked it up. There were numerous messages from Alex that I had missed. Maybe it wasn't so bad that I never checked my phone the day before.

I opened our messages and rolled my eyes. All he said was that he ended up getting a necklace for Jenna. He said he was going to give it to her in English the next day. I almost hated to miss out on seeing her reject the gift.

I walked across the hall to the bathroom and put some toothpaste on my toothbrush. I stuck it in my mouth and then picked my phone up. I sent Alex a message that I wasn't going to be in school that day but didn't say why. Maybe if I just... stopped going to school, no one would have to know the reason why.

I wasn't ready to tell anyone why I wasn't going anymore.

I set my phone back down on the counter and finished brushing my teeth. Staring into the mirror, I took in my appearance. There were dark circles under my eyes and they were puffy from all the crying I'd done. My hair was messy from sleep and my shirt was wrinkled.

I looked a lot like my mom. I got most of her features so it was easy to tell that we were related. She had a firm jawline just like I did. Our noses were thin and our eyes were brown. Her hair was darker than mine but the sun usually helped to lighten it up. Mom was taller than I was but I had a bigger build than her. I was sure that would go away after I turned eighteen.

I wondered what would change about me when things started... happening. Mom said my changes wouldn't be overnight and wouldn't happen suddenly but I knew things would eventually change. I wasn't going to stay the same height or weight for the rest of my life.

I figured the doctor would tell us more.

I walked back to my room and changed into a sweatshirt and the leggings I typically wore to practice. I was slipping my shoes on when mom appeared in the doorway.

"Are you almost ready to go?"

I put my right shoe on and adjusted it around my heel. "Not really."

She stuck her hands into the pockets of her black jacket. "The alternative would be to stay confused and scared about what could happen after your eighteenth birthday."

I didn't want that either but I wasn't sure I was ready to talk to a doctor about how messed up my genetics were and how my life was going to drastically change because of it. It was a hard pill to swallow so suddenly.

"We're just talking to the doctor today. Nothing's going to change."

"Not yet," I mumbled.

"The more you talk about this in a negative way, the more it'll happen that way. You have to think positive."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one that has to deal with this. My whole life is changing and I can't do anything about it."

Mom sighed and walked into my room. She sat down on the bed beside me and took my hand in hers. "I know this is really hard on you right now. Nothing I say is going to make you feel better. But I refuse to sit around and wallow in sadness and pity. We still have some time to work with right now and I'd like to take advantage of it."

Mom was good at talking to people. And maybe she was telling me what I wanted to hear. But it was helping and I really did want to listen to her.

I put my head on her shoulder as I felt tears prick my eyes. "I don't want to let this eat me up but it is. I can't stop it."

"I know you're struggling with this, honey, but it's not the end of the world. Trust me."

I rubbed my teary eyes on her shoulder before I straightened up. "Can we just go and get this over with?"

She patted my hand before she stood, wordlessly, and exited my room.

---

The ride to the doctor's office took forever. Mom said the doctor was three hours away because there weren't many doctors who specialized in the genetic mutation I had. We had to go to the biggest town in our state just to see someone. Who knew if they'd even be able to help us?

Mom and I didn't talk on the ride. I put my headphones in and stared out the window. My mind kept trying to wander as we exited town and headed to the next one.

I knew my life was never going to be the same again. Any aspiration I had for my life was over. I'd have to get a new identity for myself and learn a whole new version of myself.

It was hard to figure out what that might look like. I had no answers, yet, about how this disease would progress. It had been around for several decades but because it didn't happen to many, it was still new with lots of information to be discovered.

I just hoped it wouldn't result in me getting a bunch of testing and surgeries done. I didn't want to be a test subject for them to try out the next vaccine or medicine. That was no life to live, either.

As we entered the city, we approached a large building with windows covering most of the exterior walls. Plants sat on either side of double glass doors in cement planters. Mom drove toward a yellow gate where a small box for an attendant to sit was placed to the left of the gate.

Mom put her window down.

"What is the name of the patient?"

I was a patient now? Great.

"Jacob Williams."

The attendant, a large man with curly black hair and a beard, checked a tablet for my name. He pressed the screen before he pressed a button on a box inside the booth. The gate opened for us to enter the parking lot. "Go ahead in. The door to enter the building is on the right."

Mom nodded, thanked him, and headed into the lot to find a spot. The parking lot wasn't very busy even considering that it was a weekday and almost eleven. Surely there were people who worked there and needed parking.

Mom found a spot and parked the car. She turned to me before opening the door. "I'm sure we're going to be told a lot of information today that will inevitably be stressful to hear. The doctor is just going to tell us what they know from a medical standpoint so don't let it freak you out. We're going to get through this."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I knew I wasn't going to be able to do that. I at least wanted to keep calm and not lose it on the doctor. I didn't want to embarrass myself like that.

Mom took my hand and squeezed it briefly. "Come on, sweetie."

There was no turning back now.