Game Over: Life's Over

Take Care Of Yourself

I had a hard time sleeping that night. Theo had put a mattress cover on the bed to prevent the mattress from getting peed on again so it crinkled whenever I moved around too much. And then, I was also stuck wearing a stupid pull-up under my sweatpants so I wouldn't have another accident.

It was so humiliating. I hated having to use protective sheets and pull-ups because I couldn't hold my pee in long enough to get to the bathroom.

I tried watching TV to distract myself from my thoughts but it wasn't enough to help. It was barely enough to be background noise as I argued with myself about how stupid and immature I was. I hated that I was in the situation I was in. It felt like it was my fault. Had I done something wrong that caused me to have this condition, this mutation, that was changing my life so much?

I glanced at the time on my phone. It was a little after ten. I wasn't sure if Mom would be awake but I wanted to hear some reassuring words from her. I needed it.

I pressed on her name in my contacts, listed under Mom, and then pushed the phone under my ear. I didn't feel like sitting up.

She answered after the second ring. "Hey, sweetie. What are you still doing up?"

"I can't sleep."

"Is there something on your mind? Usually, when I can't sleep it's because I have a case on my mind or people I can't stop thinking about."

"Yeah."

"Talk to me. Let's see what we can do to fix it or resolve things."

"There's no fixing it, mom. It's not going away."

"Can you tell me what it is? I can't fully help you if I don't know all of the details."

I sighed. I really hated talking about my bladder issues. Saying it out loud was like admitting there was something wrong with me. "I started wetting the bed the other day. I don't think it's going to go away."

"Honey, there's no reason to be embarrassed. We knew this could happen at some point. It's just something we'll have to get used to now."

"It's not something you have to deal with, mom. I'm the one who has to wear pull-ups all the time."

"I wish there was something I could say that would make this easier for you."

There wasn't anything that could be said. I knew there was no reversing what was happening to me. It was done and I just had to deal with it.

But I was struggling to do that. I couldn't deal with the fact that I was changing so suddenly. I also couldn't grasp that it was all permanent. Like... I knew it was permanent but it didn't seem real to me.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Just a few days."

"Have you said anything to Theo or Eric?"

I sighed. "Theo found out when I was trying to wash my blankets and then I told Eric. I figured he'd find out from Theo if I didn't tell him myself."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't try to hide it from them. They're there to help you, sweetie."

"I know but... I don't like telling them about this stuff. I can handle it on my own."

"The reason you live with them is because you can't handle things on your own. Thankfully, you're still cognitively eighteen but they are there to help you do things that you can't do for yourself."

"Even without being a baby, I'm still treated like one."

"You know that's not our intention. We have rules to follow. Eric and Theo could get into trouble for not doing what they need to as your caregivers."

"I think letting me have secrets is an exception to the rules."

"Not when it can cause issues with your health. We have to take care of you so you need to tell us when something comes up. Even if it's embarrassing."

I groaned into my pillow.

"Let us help you, sweetheart. That's what we're here for. We all care about you."

"I think I need to try to get some sleep."

"Think about what I said, sweetie. Things will get better."

"I wish I could believe that."

"Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you, too."