Game Over: Life's Over

Scared Of The Dark

I was tired but I had a hard time sleeping in my room. I'd slept in that room for around eighteen years so I should have been able to fall asleep then. But I wasn't used to it anymore since moving in with Eric and Theo.

After tossing and turning for what felt like an hour, I got out of bed and left my room. I couldn't seem to get comfortable and I didn't want to lay in bed and just stare at the ceiling all night.

As I walked out into the hall, I saw a baby gate at the top of the steps. I scowled at it. I didn't like the implication that I needed them because I was a risk to myself. I knew how to walk down steps without falling.

I walked across the hall to Mom's room and opened the door. Her light was still on but she was in her pajamas already. I didn't know when she typically went to bed. I hoped she wasn't changing her usual schedule and routine for me but I appreciated it if she did.

She looked over as I entered the room. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"I can't sleep."

"Do you want to stay in here with me tonight?"

I nodded. "Is that okay?"

She smiled. "Of course. You're always welcome to stay in here."

I shut the door and walked around to the foot end of the bed. I climbed up on the bed and crawled to the top. I wiggled my way under the covers and laid back against the pillows.

"Comfortable?"

I nodded.

Mom turned off the light and the room got dark. It wasn't pitch black but it was darker than my room had been with the night light. I was glad I wasn't sleeping alone. I didn't like to admit it but I was scared of the dark. I didn't like sleeping without some light in the room.

Mom got into bed beside me and pulled the blanket up so it covered both of us. "I've missed being able to do this with you. You used to come in when the thunder scared you. I never knew the last time would be the last time."

"It's called growing up, Mom."

She sighed. "There's nothing wrong with needing your Mom."

"I love you and all but I wish I didn't need you so much. I don't like being clingy." I felt like I was too clingy. I thought it had a lot to do with my condition and how I had to be reliant on others just to do basic things. I was never like that before being diagnosed.

She pulled me close and gave me a tight hug. "Well, I like it when you're clingy."

I groaned. "Mom, you're suffocating me."

She laughed. "That's my job."

I pushed against her until she let me go. I pulled the blanket until it bunched up and created a barrier between our bodies. "There. Now you can't do that again."

"One day, you'll wish I was around to embarrass you and hug you like that."

"Sometimes, I do. Like when I haven't seen you in a while or when I'm upset and I don't want Theo or Eric."

"I'm lucky I'm able to be your mommy."

I made a face. "No, just Mom."

"What? You can call me Mommy."

I shook my head though I wasn't sure she could see it. "I'm not calling you that."

"There's nothing wrong with it."

"I'm still not gonna do it. And if you keep it up, I might just start calling you Lydia."

"I'll wear you down one of these days. Just like with the stuffed animals. You never know. You might like it if you tried it."

"I don't think so. I don't like being a baby."

"You're not a baby. And doing baby stuff doesn't make you one either. If you like it, you should do it. Don't listen to anyone else."

"I wish it was that easy."

Mom rubbed my back. "I know this is a lot for you to think about. I wish you didn't have to worry about any of it. You deserve to be happy."

I nodded. I pushed aside the blanket in between us and moved closer to Mom. I curled up against her, hiding my face between the pillow and her neck.

"Go to sleep, sweetie. You're probably exhausted."

I nodded. I was exhausted. The more I fought sleep, the more tired my body became. I knew I was going to sleep well that night.

Mom lifted my binky from where it was tucked between our chests and pushed the nipple into my mouth. I wiggled closer to her and fell asleep curled up against her.